As the premier stay-at-home dad blog based in the Northland
of the Kansas City metropolitan area, it's important to remember #DaddyWrite
doesn't just exist only to provide humor-based looks into the daily life of a
stay-at-home dad. Sometimes there are much more pressing matters than that.
Therefore, with great trepidation, I would like to present a very special
edition of #DaddyWrite.
It's time to acknowledge a little mentioned fact about the
American workplace. That fact being that it's perilous and wrought with danger.
Any job can be dangerous. If you're a laborer, you've got to lift with your
knees, not your back. You could fall from a high place if you're not careful
(like I tend to do when I climb ladders). You could even be run over by a runaway
forklift; at least I assume that can happen. In an office setting, there is
also much danger afoot. Carpal tunnel, eye strain, the sedentary lifestyle. All
silent killers (All research is collected from a season 2 episode of 'The
Office' entitled 'Safety Training').
Why do I bring this up? Well, I never realized it before but
being a stay-at-home dad is perilous and wrought with danger in its own
fashion. Furthermore, it's not just due to my natural ineptitude for all
things. It has less to do with that and more with the fact that Ellie has
trained her entire life to become a force of destruction the likes of which the
world has never seen. Therefore, it's important to be prepared.
Story time. Since Ellie's crawling now, I actually spend
quite a bit of my day down on the floor with her. It gives me a better
opportunity to play and interact with my daughter rather than sitting on a sofa
zoning out. Also, it's a bonus that she really likes it too. One of her
favorite activities includes using me as a jungle gym. She'll pull her little
body up and over mine as I lay there. If I'm sitting upright, she'll grab a
firm grip on my shirt collar and muscle her way up to a stand. Nothing is off
limits. She'll tug on my nose, grab my teeth, give endless "Wet
Willys", and shove her hand in my belly button. If she wasn't so cute, I'd
say she's just like my childhood bully.
Yesterday, I found myself laying on the floor as Ellie
played across the room. As she was starting to engage in mischief, I called out
her name and opened my arms as if to offer her a hug. Ellie met my gaze and
happily shuffled across the room to meet me. As she drew near, I rolled onto my
stomach, propping myself up on my elbows to meet her.
When I'm in this position, Ellie generally will come in
close and bless me with a sloppy, wet kiss. That would not be the case this
time however. Ellie leaned in close, pacifier in mouth, and touched me in the
left eye. Suddenly, I yelped out in distress. The static electricity Ellie built
up on her trek across the room had transferred straight into my eye, breaking
through the cornea, searing the pupil, irritating the iris, and litigating(?)
the lens. The sclera, retina, and vitreous would tingle with pain as well (And
yes, I did look up the parts of the eye on a handy, dandy diagram). My eye
would actually feel numb for the rest of the day as a result of the rogue
sparks.
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| It's black and white so you can print it off for your kids/grandkids/random child at the bus stop to color. |
So it is, with great sincerity, I encourage all of you. Wear
proper eye protection when engaging in playtime with a child. It may not just
be your eye that I save, it may be my own.
#TheMoreYouKnow.
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| Does having a fake doctor assist me with this message help my cause? |
Thanks to my lovely wife's co-workers for valuing the
integrity of my vision and providing me with the proper equipment to ensure my
continued sight. I will treasure it always. #DaddyWrite
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