As a stay-at-home parent, I've learned that there are
certain days now and then where nothing of note happens during the day. That
can be the case for various reasons. Maybe someone wants to give their child a
rest after they had an exceptionally busy day yesterday. Maybe it's a rare day
without any responsibilities to take care of or errands to be run. Or maybe,
just maybe, a certain parent who will remain nameless decided their time was
best spent typing #VoteMoose over and over again on Twitter.
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| So, would that make me a Moose-itarian? Maybe a Moose-ican or a Moose-crat? |
Regardless of which one of those you think is to blame for
the slow day (probably option #3), the truth remains that there really isn't
any story from today that bears telling. Therefore, I find it prudent to dive
into my bag of stockpiled stories to find something special. **Insert Rummaging
Sound Here**
It's no shocker or great surprise by now that Ellie really
enjoys her food. She basically eats anything
we put in front of her at this point. If Bethany or I are enjoying a snack,
Ellie will stand at our feet, whimpering and begging until we finally throw her
a scrap of some kind. It honestly doesn't matter when the last time she ate is.
If food is present, she wants it. Seriously, we even have to sweep the floor
daily to keep her from eating crumbs from the last meal.
I feel like all of those things are probably normal for a
one year old. At least, I really hope they are. However, I'm relatively certain
this next activity isn't something that is normal for any child to engage in. Allow
me to set the scene. The date in question? Wednesday, July 5th. Of course, I
should probably lead with a disclaimer; this story is actually pretty gross.
We were preparing to head out on our adventures for the day
with Ellie, but first, I decided a quick diaper change was necessary. Taking
her to her room, I tossed her down on the changing table like normal and
removed her pajamas to get to the diaper. I then open the diaper to find it
contains a veritable confetti including whole chunks of corn and carrots. Now,
I know that's a pretty normal thing to find in a baby's diaper. Especially if
you consider said baby still lacks teeth. Stay with me here, this is where
things get weird.
Lately, Ellie's been interested in confirming that she is
still a little girl during diaper changes. Yeah, I hate it and think it's pretty
nasty but I know it's normal. Therefore, I don't really do much about it.
That's especially true when I have her rapidly moving feet to deal with
already. So, while I'm holding her legs and cleaning her off, I didn't pay any attention to Ellie sneaking her hand down to her nether regions. Nor did I notice her pluck
a sizeable chunk of carrot off of her diaper. I'm sad to say, I also didn't
notice her lifting said chunk of carrot to her mouth.
By this point, you're wondering two things. Number one, does
he notice anything and number two, is this going where I think it is? The
answer is yes, this is going exactly where you think it's going. At this point, I finally noticed
Ellie with her hand in her mouth chewing on something. With great trepidation,
I nervously move her hand away. I peer in just in time to see a chunk of
carrot slide down her tongue and disappear down her throat with a gulp. Ellie
must have seen the look of sheer disgust and mortification on my face at this
point because she happily looked up at me with the biggest, poop-eating grin
imaginable.
So, as you can see, Ellie certainly does like to eat.
However, I really thought there were some limits as to what she would try to
eat. Now I know that there are indeed no limits imaginable. My child will eat
anything and everything, including her own feces. Good work baby.
To future Ellie, you better hope that your future boyfriends
don't read this blog post. Or maybe if I don't like the guy, then I will show
him this blog post. It's always nice to have an ace in the hole. #DaddyWrite
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| Wrong kind of Ace... |
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