As anyone who has ever watched the opening credits for 'Friends'
would know, there are always going to be those days or those weeks or those
months or those years when things aren't going your way. You know, possibly
because your job is a joke, you're broke, or maybe your love life is D.O.A.
Although I bring up those lyrics in pure jest, I believe
there is something to them. The fact is that it's a complete impossibility for
everything to go according to our plan at all times. The real struggle is in
how to react at those times of strife.
Just to be completely and utterly transparent, this season
has certainly been a struggle for Bethany and I. Don't worry, we still love
each other and nothing bad is going to happen but I'd be lying if I said
everything has been hunky-dory. Bonus points for me using hunky-dory for the
first time ever in a #DaddyWrite post.
Since my dad broke his leg this spring, I've found myself
wandering up and down the interstate at least once a week, sometimes twice, to
help out on the family farm. While I am certainly willing and able to help out,
it has definitely made life more difficult on my wife and Ellie in the short
term with me doing so. Ellie's very attached to her schedule/routine and almost
any break from it results in her acting out and becoming more difficult which
would likely be the case for any child her age.
Of course, Ellie's not the only one affected as Bethany has
also felt the effects of our current arrangement. Not to go into too much detail in a public
forum but I've been very guilty of not being very supportive of my wife right
now. In fact, she has struggled with feeling like I'm not making her a priority
in my life which has honestly been true. Between Ellie and my parents, I've
felt like they've needed more of my attention due to toddlerhood or just being
unwell. Therefore, I've been guilty of placing my poor wife on the backburner.
Unbeknownst to me, Bethany sat down tonight and chronicled out
a lot of what she's currently feeling. She even gave me permission to work it
into a blog post if I wanted. To that, I clearly responded, "Of course,
that means I don't have to work as hard." I'm just kidding about that
reaction but I did want to publish it as a teaching/learning experience for
anyone who might be struggling with similar emotions. Therefore, stay tuned for
#MommyWrite Too.
I have been thinking a lot
lately about how God is using my almost two year old to point me back to
him. Many a morning she will be sitting
on my lap eating breakfast with me and point to my Bible and say "read
it". I will then proceed to read
whatever passage I am on out loud to her.
She usually quickly loses interest but she always makes sure I am still
reading. Today though God used her to
remind me that all I need is to just turn to Him for comfort. These past couple weeks have been stressful
for Jesse and me and I have been filled with lots of frustration and
anger. So how exactly is Ellie pointing
me to God through this? Well, whenever Ellie is sad, scared or tired she
will say "shoulder", bury her head into my shoulder and softly
whisper "Jesus." This is a
simple request for me to sing Jesus Loves Me to her. Once I finish she will usually say again and
I will continue singing until she feels comforted. Tonight after bath as she was tired and
crying I was holding her in nothing but a towel singing Jesus Loves Me and it
hit me. All I need is to lean into
Jesus' shoulder and let him comfort me.
No amount of venting, anger or selfish thoughts are going to make me feel
better. I just need to rely on Jesus and
know that he is in control of it all "because the Bible tells me
so." As I go through the next
couple weeks I know that there are going to be many more times that I am
feeling upset, hurt, and sad but I am hopeful that I can take one from Ellie
and just let myself be comforted by the fact that I am loved unconditionally by
my heavenly Father and He wants nothing but the best for me. So thank you Ellie for always whispering
Jesus to me.
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| In case you're wondering, this is the second #MommyWrite installment. However, I felt like using 'Too' instead of '2' for cutesy reasons. |
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