Hi, my name is Jesse and I need to confess something.
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| Just imagine this is me instead of Cillian Murphy and you have an idea of my "confession face" |
I was a moron while in college. Seriously. I'm sorry if you
had the misfortune of knowing me then as I was clearly very immature and needed
to grow up, etc. Why again did my poor wife fall in love with me during that
stage of life again? Probably just hard up for company or something.
I should probably add that I wasn't a moron in the typical
college definition of getting sloshed, trashed, etc. Instead, I was more of a
silly moron. One example could be the infamous $.35 game which consisted of
passing $.35 back and forth while passing time on the way to classes on the
other side of campus. As dumb as it sounds, it actually provided us with many a
laugh. In fact, I even worked it into a pair of weddings where I served as the
best man. Yep, I'm that immature.
I should probably also mention the "game" that my
friend, Brian, and I shared of serenading Bethany (and her unfortunate
roommates) every time we walked under her window with the strains of "How to Save a Life" by The Fray. In fact, that probably had something to do
with why Brian and I were banned from visiting Bethany in her dorm room by her
roommates.
Of course, there were other dumb moments such as that time I
wanted to play cards on the roof of our dorm building. Or maybe that time when
I thought it made sense to compare a friend to a fajita (because both lacked
goals in life). However, none of these so-called games are coming back to haunt
me in the way that one particular game is. A game that we'll call "Eat
that!"
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| I wonder how long before Bethany tells me to take this photo down... |
"Eat that" is a fairly simple game with fairly
simple rules, born in the fog of late-night sessions of being on call, caffeinated
beverages, and packages of Pizza Rolls. In it, I would dramatically raise a
Pizza Roll to my ajar mouth only to stop inches from crossing the threshold
into said mouth. At that point, Brian (or someone else) would loudly declare to
me, "Eat that," to which I would immediately oblige. That little game
eventually grew to include a multitude of non-edible items, accompanied by the
chorus of "You don't want to eat that; just imagine trying to pass
that."
And now that you've clearly lost all form of respect for me,
I can explain how Ellie is currently torturing me with the very same game. I
can't say exactly when it began, only that it's been occurring over the past
couple of weeks. In the same way that I once did, Ellie will dramatically raise
anything to her mouth only to stop inches from her mouth. Then, with all of the
bass she can muster, she will scream out "Eat that!".
Now, that's all well and good as long as she's eating food.
However, the problem is that she's not just referring to food when playing "Eat
that". There are plenty of non-edible objects that have also become a part
of this game. Blocks, the broom, plants, balls, and even her own body parts
have all been a part of this game as well.
I think the weirdest part about Ellie discovering "Eat
that" is that I wasn't the one to introduce it to her. In fact, we have no
idea where she learned it. I'm guessing that it's just a normal game toddlers
like to play. I guess one good thing to come out of Ellie's discovery of
"Eat that" is that she is apparently more mature than me. After all,
I was playing this game at 21 years of age; she's playing it at 2!
Now to publish this
in an online forum where everyone who's ever met me can lose respect for me and
I can also cost myself a multitude of future job prospects in one fell swoop.
Yay, me! #DaddyWrite
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