Day 193 - How to Hide in Booze Aisles with a Baby

I consider myself to be a pretty social fellow. I mean, like everyone else, there are times where I just need "me time". Those occasions where one just needs to unwind and decompress. Overall though, I really like people and enjoy being around them. Which is probably good seeing as how there are quite a few of them. It seems like Ellie may be following in my footsteps in that regard. You know by now that she too likes being around people and is super happy any time she's out of the house. I actually love that about my daughter. However, I never realized until today that there are times we're out of the house when I really need Ellie to be silent and well-behaved. If not for her good, then definitely for my own.

There's nothing quite like the smell of freshly-baked, homemade bread. The way that it permeates into the air, filling every last crevice of the house with golden, soft goodness. If you couldn't tell by that statement, I was really stoked to bust out the bread maker and produce some homemade bread this afternoon to couple with the roast in the crock pot. Unfortunately for yours truly, my biggest cooking-related Achilles heel struck again: the inability to confirm availability of all necessary ingredients. Upon discovering the absence of milk, I loaded Ellie up and headed to Sun Fresh to stock up. Although, believe it or not, I did take inventory of all other ingredients before leaving. Yay me!

We all do, Oprah. We all do.

A little background; I've been feeling bad lately because I've had Ellie out and about a lot lately. Between car rides, stroller rides, and cart rides, the poor baby has spent quite a bit of time strapped down. I had every intention of letting her stick around home all day so that she could crawl and play to her little heart's content. Therefore, as I unstrapped her from the car seat, I made a verbal vow to my daughter. That vow being that we wouldn't be in the store long at all so that she could go home and play.

With Ellie loaded in the cart, I grabbed my milk first thing. Then, I decided to make a brief detour down the cereal and ice cream aisles before leaving. With nothing of interest in the cereal aisle, I then headed down the ice cream aisle. Finding nothing, I turned the corner to find none other than our next-door neighbor, Loretta, standing right there with her back to me.

Now, I'm not going to lie. I really don't care for Loretta. To put it nicely, she's that stereotypical, angry widow that always lives next door on TV. The very day we moved in to our house, Loretta showed up at our door complaining about weeds in our landscaping getting out of hand. She then proceeded to yank them up and wave them in our faces so that we would know what a weed was. Knowing Loretta the way I do, I knew I would have great difficulty in escaping if she was to see me.  In fact, history dictates I would be sucked into conversation for a minimum of 20 minutes.

All you wanted was some homemade bread...

At this moment, I began to take stock of escape routes. I couldn't go back the way I came because that might draw undue attention my way. I also couldn't go around Loretta because she would inevitably notice Ellie. If I had been alone, I would have just pulled my Royals cap lower, slouched down, and walked past as quickly as possible. Realistically, only one safe route remained: the alcohol department.

I crouched down as much as possible, creeping behind Loretta towards my destination. Once I finally reached safe haven, I was still hesitant to stand up all of the way for fear she would recognize my bobbing head as I walked by. At this point, Ellie decided she had some very important things to tell me. My blood pressure spiked as I feared Ellie's loud voice would draw Loretta's attention. I softly whispered "Shhh" to Ellie and placed my finger to my lips. Ellie's immediate response was to laugh in the face of my fear. Finally, I realized it was now or never and I had to make a break for it. Peering between the bottles, I saw Loretta turn the corner into an adjoining aisle. Knowing that her back was completely turned to me, Ellie and I hightailed it to the check-out station, paid for our milk, and exited the store.

Is the coast clear yet?

This little adventure filled me with mixed emotion. First of all, I felt a little like Indiana Jones, risking life and limb to reach back under the rapidly-closing stone door, all to grab his fedora. How is that not a sweet feeling? On the other hand, I feel a bit lame hiding from a septuagenarian in the booze aisle of our local supermarket. Do I lose coolness points for that? Hopefully the wicked awesome Indiana Jones reference helps me save face. #DaddyWrite