Day 138 - Stop and "Stair"

As a (silly blog) writer, I consider myself to be quite the analyst of the human condition.  If not all humans, then at least the human condition as it pertains to an almost nine-month-old.  One thing in particular I've noticed is that there are two kinds of people in the world: people who are extremely motivated and those that are severely lacking motivation.  

And if you're lacking motivation, consider the teachings of Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker...

It's super interesting to try and figure out which side of the spectrum Ellie will inhabit as Bethany and I are on different sides.  Bethany leans towards being super motivated and honestly feels bad if she's not accomplishing things.  I'm a little more laid back with an attitude of "It'll get done when it gets done" unless it's something I'm super passionate about.  What's fun though is that we can already see Ellie's personality quirks forming even at her young age.  What could be interesting for me is that her personality is definitely resembling her mother's more than mine.

I've written before about how Ellie's new trick of crawling is definitely her biggest dream come true.  She had been wanting to be mobile since she was about five months old and now that it's finally happened, she's super ecstatic.  Now that Ellie can crawl though, she's set her sights on higher aspirations, or in some cases, lower aspirations.  That's right, Ellie's new life goal is to attempt the stairs.  To be honest, the idea of Ellie deciding it's time for her to try barreling down the stairs terrifies me.  Not only because I don't want her to get hurt but because I don't want to have to explain to her mother how the baby got hurt on my watch.

I feel like I've been fairly lucky thus far.  If I'm on a level of our house with Ellie, she generally won't wander super far away.  At least that's how it's been until today.  While I was busy loading our washing machine, I glanced down to my feet where Ellie was sitting to find nothing but a patch of carpet.  I frantically turned my head left and right only to see my daughter happily heading towards the stairs with every intention of reenacting her own version of the "Cliffhangers" game from 'The Price is Right.  With great swiftness, I basically laid out, extended my arms and grabbed Ellie right as her hand ran out of solid ground. 

While I'm normally pretty patient with Ellie, I really don't appreciate her attempting circus daredevil acts so she received a stern lecture with what might have been a slightly raised voice.  Like any oblivious person, I assumed that we were done with Ellie's danger acts for the day.  I may have been slightly wrong about that.

This evening after Bethany arrived home from work, we were engaging in our nightly tradition of playing with Ellie before putting her down for the night.  Normally Ellie has our full attention during this time, but we were both slightly distracted by cleaning up for dinner.  We knew Ellie was close and that there was no way she could get around us to attempt another trip down stairs.  We had neglected to remember the old adage, "what goes up, must come down."  

Ellie had taken it upon herself to attempt the climb upstairs to her room all alone.  Just imagine our shock when we glanced over to see that Ellie had pulled herself up three steps.  With great swiftness, Bethany ran over and grabbed Ellie before she had the opportunity to fall backwards down the stairs.  Once we thought about it a little bit, we realized that we should probably have recorded the event for posterity.  So we did what anyone else would have done.  We set our iPad on the steps and recorded with a cell phone as Ellie gave us an encore of her now world-famous climbing act in an attempt to touch the iPad.  Clearly a normal reaction for parents, right?  #DaddyWrite

Day 135 - Baby Bracketology with Ellie

One of the most exciting times of the year for sports fans is here.  It's time for March Madness!

I will say that I've found myself slightly lacking interest in the college basketball season this year.  My best guess is that would probably have something to do with the utter lack of competitiveness shown by Mizzou basketball this season.  When you couple that with my utter refusal to hop on a bandwagon for one of the other local teams, it definitely precludes one's ability to 100% enjoy watching the sport.  However, it doesn't matter how little basketball I've watched this season, I'm still filling out my bracket just as I would any other year.  And guess what, I'm still obsessing over every matchup like every other year.  However, there is one thing that is unlike every other year this season.  Or perhaps I should say one person.

One thing about me that most people are aware of by now is that I'm very competitive.  I don't find losing to be very fun (as if many people do).  However, losing is something that I've come to accept when it comes to filling out my bracket.  It's pretty much guaranteed that no one in the world is going to have a perfect bracket.  That being said, even if I don't win, there's nothing saying I can't outpick my friends and family.  So after badgering my friends and family only to get minimal interest this season, Bethany had a great idea whilst I was badgering her.  Simply put that advice was to challenge Ellie to a duel of the brackets and leave her alone.

Duel of the BRACKETS, not "Duel of the Fates".  Sorry Darth Maul.

After the formal challenge was issued to the baby (consisting of a notarized letter on very official-looking stationary), the question remained of how Ellie should make her picks.  At first, I wondered if I could just sit in front of the PC with her and let her click on the mouse.  However, once we went to ahgipahg9uieaphgifuhnapigha9phg.com for the 27th time, I decided that a new plan was in order.  Just kidding, I only let her go to that website nine times before giving up.  With that, Bethany assisted me in brainstorming the perfect way in which Ellie could choose her picks.  Given Ellie's fondness of just playing with pacifiers, we placed two in front of her, audibly announced which one represented which school, and waited for Ellie to pick one up.

While Ellie's picks were definitely all her own doing, I can't say that I have high expectations for her first bracket.  First of all, she has twelve picks favoring a 12-seed or worse to advance including a 16-seeded play-in team over Villanova, the number one seed in the entire tournament.  To top it all off, she has the Dayton Flyers as her ultimate winner.  I mean, they'll have to go through a possible murderer's row of schools including Wichita State, Kentucky, UCLA, and North Carolina just to reach the Final Four  I tried to warn her that it was a bad pick but she just wouldn't listen.  

Now, fast forward and imagine my eventual surprise when Dayton inevitably wins the tourney, Ellie bests my bracket, and holds bragging rights over her father for the next year.  The one thing working in my favor is that she at least will be fairly silent about it and won't really rub it in.  That and when she is right, some network will surely pay us to have her on their March Madness panel next year.  #DaddyWrite

FYI - To follow Ellie's picks round-by-round, check out http://bit.ly/2mPBa8N.

Day 134 - Maybe First Impressions Aren't All They're Cracked Up to Be...

As all people surely know, there are downsides to every job out there.  Unless you're an elevator operator; then there's ups and downs.  **pause for laughter**  Thanks folks, I'll be here all week!  Now, obviously there is no downside to raising Ellie.  Can we all be in agreement with that and pretend it's true?

  

However, there are downsides to being the unpaid owner/founder/sole proprietor of a blog centered of the lifestyle of a stay-at-home dad which features somewhere in the avenue of 12 daily readers.  One of which is the fact that all of my words are out there forever for all to see.  Once I've published, I can't go back.  Therefore, there will invariably be times that I contradict myself.  For example, on Day 103 I wrote about first impressions and how there's no changing them.  Perhaps I was slightly mistaken about that.

Ellie has a well-deserved reputation as a difficult child.  For example, when Bethany gets home from work, she needs to give Ellie immediate attention as soon as she walking in the door.  If not, we have a mental breakdown on our hands.  I know you're saying "That's not so bad."  It gets worse.  Ellie has essentially been kicked out of our church's nursery every time she's ever been left there due to the intensity, volume, and duration of her screaming sessions.  You're thinking "Ok, maybe that's a little bad."  Ellie has also developed a nasty habit throughout most of her life of screaming at the mere sight of my father putting his hands out for her.  Now, you're saying "That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard."  That's very true since my dad's a perfectly nice individual.  

Ellie must have been aware of the negative public perception she was developing because she has taken huge strides towards becoming a model child in the past two weeks.  It really all began when she finally figured out crawling.  Once she had her "Eureka" moment, she's been on the move basically only stopping to show off a big smile.  She's just so excited to be able to go wherever she wants that it permeates into other areas of her life.  

For example, Ellie's naps have always been 100% contingent on her swing.  At least until last Friday that is.  For some reason she absolutely refused her swing on that day.  I finally slid her into a sleep sack, read her a couple of stories, and laid her down in her crib.  I had every expectation of needing to retrieve her within 20 minutes due to an epic meltdown.  Much to my surprise, all noise ceased after eight minutes.  After waiting until the 20 minute mark, I crept up the stairs and slowly opened her door a crack to see her fast asleep clutching her tiny teddy bear.  

To top it all off, Bethany and I left Ellie in the church nursery on Sunday morning with every expectation of needing to retrieve her in between service and Sunday school.  Imagine the surprise when she went to do so and Ellie was fast asleep.  It was impossible for us to have been any prouder of our daughter at that moment.  She had absolutely taken leaps and bounds in the preceding week and was now a tiny functioning member of society.  Awww!

I had really appreciated all of the changes I had seen in my daughter this week, but hadn't really appreciated how drastic they were until a visit from my parents today.  It clicked when my dad put his hands out for Ellie and she flew across the floor and sat down in front of him so that he could pick her up.  In fact, my dad summed it all up with one simple quote, "Somebody's gotten much more personable, haven't they?"  I truly couldn't have said it better myself.  #DaddyWrite

Day 133 - Why Is My Face So Wet?

Everyone has their own idea of how to best start the day.  For example, mine is by brushing my teeth, after which I go to the gym most days.  Keyword on most as setting the alarm and I didn't really coexist last night before bed.  Ellie's?  She's pretty fond of nursing to begin her day followed by a much-needed diaper change.  President Trump?  Apparently it's by sending out some ill-advised tweet with his breakfast (or bathroom time depending upon your source).  Well, for Bethany, one of her daily routines involves washing her face using the amazing Norwex body cloth; it doesn't mold, doesn't ever smell, and leaves your face baby smooth.  #ProductPlacement (maybe now I'll get free cleaning supplies).  Unfortunately for Bethany, this is now a task she finds herself really needing to perform multiple times.

Leader of the free world, ladies and gents...

First things first, some background.  Something we've both noticed about Ellie recently is that she is seemingly obsessed with watching our every move.  It's like we have our own personal baby stalker in the house.  Any time we turn around, there's a pair of bright blue eyes following us across the room.  To add to that, it we happen to get out of eyesight, here comes Ellie tagging behind on hands and knees as fast as she can go.  If Ellie had teeth, I'd be afraid that she was like a lion ready to pounce and devour.  Alas, she's probably just afraid of getting left behind.

"You wouldn't be thinking of leaving me behind, now would you?"

Not only is Ellie watching our every move; she's seemingly taking notes on how to replicate.  For example, Bethany was getting in her dresser drawer to grab a pair of socks in the morning.  Relatively simple task unless you're a lifeguard, homeless panhandler, or in my case, stay-at-home dad (sandal season is coming soon!).  Bethany closed the drawer and turned around.  Almost immediately, she spun back around when hearing a noise from the floor below.  Ellie had grabbed a firm hold on a lower drawer's handle and was struggling to pull it open on her own.  Unfortunately for Ellie, science had struck.  Her lack of body mass made the weight of the drawer inproportionate to the amount of strength her tiny body could muster.  Still, that was our first clue that this baby girl was watching us closely.  

Oh Al Roker. You see right through me.

Now, obviously, it's normal for both Bethany and I to show affection to Ellie.  If we didn't, you have to ask just what kind of monsters we were.  Whether playing, snuggling, or hugging, the baby does not hurt for attention.  It's also pretty common for her to get showered with kisses.  I think that's also relatively normal for parents to do to their children.  Plus, it's a bonus for us because she'll inevitably begin laughing and smiling.  Well, Miss Smarty Pants has figured out that a kiss is our way of showing love and wants to join in. 

The problem with Ellie's kisses is that there is less "smooch" and more open-mouth drooling/tongue wagging all over our faces.  Sure it's kind of nasty and makes our faces sticky.  However, it's just so cute that one can't help but appreciate the sentiment behind it.  Even if that means a little more face-washing is in order each day.  It's not like that's a problem with the help of the Norwex body cloth (still waiting on that free cleaning stuff).  #DaddyWrite

Only $19.99 ladies and gents...

Day 132 - WHAT DOES THE DADDY SAY?

Everyone's got hobbies.  At least I haven't met many people that don't.  Not to be insensitive, but maybe you don't if you're a homeless panhandler.  Or in that instance, could your job and hobby be the same thing?  BTW, if you couldn't tell, I saw a homeless panhandler this week.  He even had a dog and everything!  Back to the task at hand, one of my hobbies has always been reading.  It doesn't really matter if it's fiction or non-fiction.  If I'm properly motivated and on task, I can sit down and bust out 100 pages in an hour.  Definitely one of those skill sets that was extremely beneficial during my college career.  

Do gifs from 'Beauty and the Beast' result in the forfeiture of my man-card?

I bring this up because one of my goals for Ellie is to instill a love of reading in her.  Obviously, the best way to do so is to read aloud to her now.  While normal protocol would be to start with a fine helping of Dr. Seuss or Eric Carle, I've always been one to buck normal protocol.  Therefore, I find myself reading strange things to her.  Grocery ads, sports stuff (including fantasy), reviews of television shows or movies, interesting news stories, 'Space Jam' fan fiction.  Ok, not the last one if for no other reason than I'm not certain it exists.  I even include Ellie in the reading of my daily devotionals or bible reading times too.

I think I'm depressed that 'Space Jam' fan fiction does exist...

There are times though when Ellie just needs to read one of her own books.  Either because her attention span is too short for something I would choose to read or...well, pretty much just because her attention span is too short for something I would choose to read.  The problem with reading Ellie's books is that they will become redundant at times.  For example, there's only so many times you can read a sweet, little story about a bunny that spent the day hopping around the garden and is now ready for bed before madness sets in.  Therefore, I've found myself figuring out way to entertain myself while reading Ellie's books.

For example, There's a Wocket in my Pocket by Dr. Seuss.  I've found that I actually have a large percentage of the book memorized by now.  If you give me a page, I can normally tell you what's coming next.  Or Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Eric Carle.  I've got a nice little rhythm down now where I like to turn the book into a song.  However, it kind of breaks down whenever I reach the last page.  Spoiler alert, it's a review of all the animals we saw during the book.  Since I can't sing it, I instead try and say them all really fast in one breath.  Easier said than done but still fun.

Conspiracy Theorists are going to run wild with this...

And then, of course, there's Animal Sounds.  Literally the most breathtaking book ever published.  I'm not certain, but the societal implications of this book may have assisted in the tearing down of the Berlin Wall.  #NotHyperbole.  In all seriousness, it's pretty much stuff like "What Does the Cow Say?  Moo."  Now, while it's all well and good that Ellie learns her sounds, by the second or third time through I've lost interest.  So therefore, I've decided to take a cue from Ylvis (yes, with a 'Y') and bust it out in the tune of "What Does the Fox Say?" 

 

WHAT DOES THE COW SAY?

MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO!

MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO!

MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO!

WHAT'S THE COW SAY? (Me reading this book probably should be on YouTube)

I do have a slight fear as a result of this.  Someday when Ellie goes to preschool and is practicing animal sounds, are Bethany and I going to get called in for a special parent-teacher conference because her teacher is worried about Ellie's mental health?  It's not particularly normal for children to practice animal sounds by singing "What Does the Fox Say?".  Or at least not when I was growing up.  Things do tend to change though.  #DaddyWrite