Day 132 - WHAT DOES THE DADDY SAY?

Everyone's got hobbies.  At least I haven't met many people that don't.  Not to be insensitive, but maybe you don't if you're a homeless panhandler.  Or in that instance, could your job and hobby be the same thing?  BTW, if you couldn't tell, I saw a homeless panhandler this week.  He even had a dog and everything!  Back to the task at hand, one of my hobbies has always been reading.  It doesn't really matter if it's fiction or non-fiction.  If I'm properly motivated and on task, I can sit down and bust out 100 pages in an hour.  Definitely one of those skill sets that was extremely beneficial during my college career.  

Do gifs from 'Beauty and the Beast' result in the forfeiture of my man-card?

I bring this up because one of my goals for Ellie is to instill a love of reading in her.  Obviously, the best way to do so is to read aloud to her now.  While normal protocol would be to start with a fine helping of Dr. Seuss or Eric Carle, I've always been one to buck normal protocol.  Therefore, I find myself reading strange things to her.  Grocery ads, sports stuff (including fantasy), reviews of television shows or movies, interesting news stories, 'Space Jam' fan fiction.  Ok, not the last one if for no other reason than I'm not certain it exists.  I even include Ellie in the reading of my daily devotionals or bible reading times too.

I think I'm depressed that 'Space Jam' fan fiction does exist...

There are times though when Ellie just needs to read one of her own books.  Either because her attention span is too short for something I would choose to read or...well, pretty much just because her attention span is too short for something I would choose to read.  The problem with reading Ellie's books is that they will become redundant at times.  For example, there's only so many times you can read a sweet, little story about a bunny that spent the day hopping around the garden and is now ready for bed before madness sets in.  Therefore, I've found myself figuring out way to entertain myself while reading Ellie's books.

For example, There's a Wocket in my Pocket by Dr. Seuss.  I've found that I actually have a large percentage of the book memorized by now.  If you give me a page, I can normally tell you what's coming next.  Or Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Eric Carle.  I've got a nice little rhythm down now where I like to turn the book into a song.  However, it kind of breaks down whenever I reach the last page.  Spoiler alert, it's a review of all the animals we saw during the book.  Since I can't sing it, I instead try and say them all really fast in one breath.  Easier said than done but still fun.

Conspiracy Theorists are going to run wild with this...

And then, of course, there's Animal Sounds.  Literally the most breathtaking book ever published.  I'm not certain, but the societal implications of this book may have assisted in the tearing down of the Berlin Wall.  #NotHyperbole.  In all seriousness, it's pretty much stuff like "What Does the Cow Say?  Moo."  Now, while it's all well and good that Ellie learns her sounds, by the second or third time through I've lost interest.  So therefore, I've decided to take a cue from Ylvis (yes, with a 'Y') and bust it out in the tune of "What Does the Fox Say?" 

 

WHAT DOES THE COW SAY?

MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO!

MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO!

MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO, MOO!

WHAT'S THE COW SAY? (Me reading this book probably should be on YouTube)

I do have a slight fear as a result of this.  Someday when Ellie goes to preschool and is practicing animal sounds, are Bethany and I going to get called in for a special parent-teacher conference because her teacher is worried about Ellie's mental health?  It's not particularly normal for children to practice animal sounds by singing "What Does the Fox Say?".  Or at least not when I was growing up.  Things do tend to change though.  #DaddyWrite

Day 130 - The Sockapocalypse is Here

Have you ever actually taken the time to think about how many things become lost?  The fabled lost city of Atlantis?  It's gone never to be heard from again.  Donald Trump's tax receipts and Barack Obama's birth certificate?  Both lost and probably in the same lockbox somewhere.  Tom Brady's Super Bowl LI jersey.  It straight up disappeared out of his bag after the game.  Don't worry about it though; the Texas Rangers ended up on the job searching for it.  Wait, should we be concerned  about the fact that the Texas Rangers currently have nothing better to do than look for a used jersey?  I mean, I watched a lot of 'Walker, Texas Ranger' in my day and Chuck Norris was always investigating some kind of kidnapping, drug trafficking, murder, or run-of-the-mill robbery.  And then he'd use kung-fu to solve it.  #Fact.  

Back to the topic at hand, today was a very sad day as Ellie lost something very near and dear to her heart (or her feet).  That's right, Ellie lost a sock today.  But not just any sock.  She lost a sock from one of the only pairs that actually fit her petite little feet.  The weird thing is that I have absolutely no idea where/how it happened.  I like to fancy myself to be a relatively observant person.  That being said, there's normally a pretty big divide between how I fancy myself and reality.  Once the disappearance of the sock was noted, I found myself on a desperate hunt to reclaim the sock in the name of Ellie's left foot.

Right sock sings, "I will remember you, will you remember me?"

First things first, I had to retrace our steps in an attempt to find the sock.  Unfortunately that process was easier said than done as Ellie and I had covered a lot of ground this afternoon.  Like any sane person though, I started by retracing the steps nearest to me in proximity.  Since Ellie and I had most recently been in the hammock, I headed out to the backyard and began circling it in a desperate attempt to locate the sock.  Nothing would give though.  With that, I headed back into the house to search every possible nook and cranny.  And by that, I mean I basically moved a bucket of paint from its home next to our basement door and shook out the hammock to see if it would fall out. 

About this time, I began a pure descent into madness coupled with extreme paranoia.  For example, I began to think up stories for what had become of the sock.  My favorite actually involves the sock falling off Ellie's foot to the ground below as we exited the hammock (imagine a tortoise stuck on its back).  In this hypothetical tale, once the sock hit the ground, a bird of prey from up above would dive bomb with great intensity, pick up Ellie's sock, and fly it back to its nest to serve as padding for its young.  Slightly extreme?  Yes.  Imaginative?   Yes.  Better than the alternative and admitting I probably lost it? Yes. 

Nothing's more American than lost socks...

At least I know that the sock isn't out there alone on the road somewhere.  I know this because I slowly drove the route that Ellie and I used for our walk today.  Take it from me.  Not much gets a person weirder looks than slowly driving while gawking out the side window at the grass next to the sidewalks.  Well, maybe watching 'Walker, Texas Ranger' in 2017 would get those same looks, but not much else.  #DaddyWrite

Day 128 - Ellie, Maybe Next Time You'll Hide and I'll Seek

I've always enjoyed being away from home.  There's something awesome about going somewhere and seeing new things.  From the mountains to the prairies to the oceans white with foam, I love to see it all.  And yes, I might have just ripped off 'God Bless America'.  It seemed applicable in this case.  The lone issue with being away from home is that it's only a matter of time until homesickness will set in.  That being said, I might not always be the one getting homesick.  That might be reserved for other people, or in the case of Ellie, another baby.  

A little background.  I spent the weekend away at a men's retreat with my church, leaving on Friday and returning on Sunday.  I've spent nights away from home since Ellie's been born, but never more than one without her along.  Now, I figured that I'd get packed and out the door on Friday without any issues.  That was not to be as Ellie's "Spidey sense" started tingling as she knew something was amiss.  In fact, she would basically break down right around the time I was leaving.  Without recourse , I went ahead and left as planned knowing that Ellie was in good hands.

Once I returned home on Sunday afternoon, it was absolutely evident just how much she had missed me.  I practically couldn't even get out of her sight without her frantically searching for me.  Who knew that all I had to do to confirm that she does love me is abandon her with her mom and grandma for a couple of days?  Honestly though, I figured that she'd be back to her normal self today and wouldn't really be looking to cling to me so tightly.  Simply put, I was pretty wrong about that as she didn't want me out of sight unless she was fast asleep.  So, of course, I was going to find a fun way to take advantage of that.  

Today following Ellie's lunch, I did the proper paternal thing and took her upstairs to change her diaper before setting her down on the floor where she could play in her bedroom.  Pretty quickly I noticed that she would follow me around her room anytime I made a move.  Knowing this, I decided to engage her in a little game.  First, I got down on all fours and backed out of her room into the hallway, obstructing myself with the wall and door.  To ensure that Ellie didn't begin crying, I occasionally peeked around the door so that Ellie could see I was still there.  It didn't take long before Ellie came wandering into the hallway after me.  

Once she entered the hallway, I realized that I had a fun little game of hide-and-seek on my hands.  I quickly backtracked to the end of the hallway taking up residence right outside our guest room.  At this point, I believe that Ellie realized exactly what the game was as she would come hustling down the hall only to get momentarily sidetrack by a door stopper (Boing boing boing).  I then ducked into our guest room hurtling over the bed to hide from our mobile baby.  Peeking over the top of the bed, I was able to see Ellie happily wandering around the corner into the guest room.  She would then be distracted by our desk as she began pulling stacks of 'Thank You' cards off and rearranging them on the floor in her own particular fashion.  

Once she completed her task, she began looking around to discern where I had gone.  With that, I would peek around the edge of the bed so that Ellie could see me.  With that, a laugh erupted from her tiny mouth and she came shuffling around the bed.  I quickly grabbed her and began throwing her up into the air and catching her.  Once she tired of being tossed up and down, I sat her back down where she just sat near me continually touching my face as if to say, "I'm glad you're home, Daddy.  Please don't leave me again."  Of course to that all I can say is, "I won't leave you for a while.  And when I do, I'll always come back."  

So in other words, the exact same thing I tell her mother every time I'm away from home.  Per the old saying, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.  #DaddyWrite

Day 126 - Ellie Equals Tornadic Episodes

Everyone has at least one favorite movie.  At least everyone that I've met seems to have at least one.  Well, maybe not Ellie because she doesn't really watch TV.  Mine?  Either 'The Bourne Identity' or 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'.  Both are awesome to me for very different reasons.  Bethany's?  'The Goonies' (because she's twelve).  Well, when I was in college, my roommate's favorite movie of all time was 'Twister'.  In fact, the very first time I ever saw the movie was while living with him.  So imagine my surprise when instead of hearing the voices of Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt, I instead heard my roommate quoting every single line.  At the time, I was more confused and a little irritated rather than impressed.  Now, I find myself wishing I had memorized some lines from the film too as it'd be super topical with Ellie's new trick of crawling (and destruction).

Wait, did I neglect to mention it was on VHS? That seems pertinent.

Today pretty much picked up exactly where the previous two left off.  That being with Ellie enthusiastically ready to crawl.  Not only crawl, but see what all she could get into.  Our living room has long been her favorite play area so that's where we began our fun.  First on her agenda was heading into the corner of the living room where her toy box is kept.  One-by-one, she would liberate her favorite toys from the box and release them to a happier life on the floor (Side note, what if 'Toy Story' is accurate and that's actually how the toys view it?).  Finally, once she had enough of them removed, it was time to just flip over the box so the remaining toys could spill out.  Following that, Ellie decided to take stock of other things in the room including our lawn gnome, Walter, Bethany's new tennis shoes, and a paperback copy of 'The Street Lawyer' by John Grisham before finally settling down.

After that, I realized that somebody had become stinky and desperately needed a change.  it was Ellie in case you're wondering.  After the diaper change was complete, I decided to let Ellie play in her bedroom just so she could have a nice change of pace.  Believe it or not, she actually adores being in her room as long as it's not time for bed.  Once I set her down, she was off to explore each corner of her room.  It didn't take long before she found herself out of areas to see though.  She had pawed at her laundry hamper, continually played with her baby monitor, and even attempted to pull boxes off of her bookshelf.  Seeing an opening, I decided to let her explore a previously unforeseen area and opened up her closet.

Ellie's eyes widened as she cautiously approached the hole that had appeared in her wall as if by magic.  Finally, she glanced back at me to confirm that all was safe.  Then, Ellie disappeared into the closet and remerged tugging a package of diapers alongside.  With a broad smile across her face, she left the diapers on the floor and returned to the closet only to exit again, this time pulling a bag of baby shoes with her.  She would then make one more excursion into the unknown of the closet and return pulling another bag of shoes behind her.  She would then sit down happily on the floor, staring at her finds with undeniable pride beaming forth.  

Most of the remainder of our day would follow this same pattern as Ellie would wander around a room, remove everything from its appointed place and continue on her way.  By the end of the day, our home seriously resembled a movie set for 'Twister'.  The only thing missing was an out of place cow being blown in circles around our living room.  But that's just silly; no one keeps a cow in their living room.  #DaddyWrite