Day 118 - Debunking Urban Myths...with a Hammock

One thing that I've always found kind of fascinating are the stories of unexplained phenomenon.  Things along the lines of Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, aliens, a good Adam Sandler movie in 2017.  All are equally unexplainable and can't really be proven.  However, I really love it when people try.  Everyone's seen the uneducated guy on the news trying to explain his encounter with Bigfoot.  Take it away, Jim-Jack.

"I tell you what.  When I saws that there Sasquatch, he was headed in a general northish-southish direction.  The weird thing about it is that he done was dressed like my hunting buddy, Cletus.  Come to think of it, I haven't seen Cletus in some while now.  You don't think that Cletus done got attacked by the Sasquatch and stole his clothes, now does you?"  

Come on Jim-Jack. Even Bigfoot thinks you can't be for real.

Unexplained phenomenon indeed.  I bring this up because I was privy to something equally perplexing today.  That being a baby who was happy for almost the entire day from start to finish.

Needless to say, I've found myself becoming quite accustomed to the sound of Ellie crying each day.  At this point it would be hard not to.  Especially given her deep attachment to her mother that results in her having an emotional breakdown whenever Ellie notices that she's gone to work for the day.  #MissingMommy.  That's what made today all the more enjoyable.  I didn't find myself having to resort to finding ways to distract Ellie from her grief.  She was just a genuinely happy baby today.

From the time that she awoke from her morning nap, all Ellie wanted to do was smile and play.  For the first time in a long time, I actually found myself stuck in an infinite loop of stacking blocks and cups for her to knock down time and time again.  After a while, Ellie found herself down on all fours in a crawling stance trying with all of her might to move forward but unable to do so.  Thinking that maybe she just needed someone to show her how, I got down on all fours and began to crawl circles around her.  However, all that did was just make her laugh at me.  I'll take that though.

After Ellie's afternoon nap, I was fully convinced that she would wake up in a sour mood.  After all, I've come to accept the inevitability of her having at least one breakdown each day.  Imagine my surprise when I go to rouse her from her nap only to be met by a huge smile and assorted cute baby noises.  Realizing that we were in uncharted territory, I decided to go ahead and introduce Ellie to the hammock today.  Background, Bethany and I had borrowed a portable hammock from some friends last summer and loved it so much that we decided to buy our own for Christmas.  However, we hadn't had a chance to do so yet because of the weather.

Buy this now. Do it, do it now....I am in no way affiliated with ENO.

First things first.  I had to leave Ellie in her swing while I went outside and hung it in our  backyard.  Only about a five minute process and we were ready to swing.  When I came back inside, imagine my dismay  to find my baby screaming bloody murder from her swing.  My nerves kicked in and I started thinking my relaxing afternoon swaying in a hammock might be over before it ever began.  I sadly picked her up out of her swing for her to stop screaming immediately and resume making cute baby sounds.  At this point, I realized that maybe, just maybe, Ellie was going to be content for an entire day.  

Grabbing Ellie's bucket hat and a couple of her toys, we headed out to the hammock and I laid down first with her sitting upright on my chest.  At first, she was a bit nervous and had to examine the hammock with her little fingers, perhaps to test the integrity.  She would settle down quickly as I gave her one of her toys to play with.  Swinging back and forth, it was really fun to watch her little face staring around at the outdoors surrounding her.  From the subtle shake of tree branches to the squeaking of our fence gate to the fierce drumming of the kid in the garage down the street, Ellie took it all in stride.  

Ellie is pulling that hat off!

After an hour, I decided it was time to take Ellie back inside for the day.  However, I was able to do so with hope.  Hope that my baby having a good attitude was not the equivalent of finding a good Adam Sandler movie in 2017.  Because, well, we all know that would never happen.  #DaddyWrite

The Prosecution rests...

Day 117 - Philosophical Ponderings and Procurement of Groceries

Everyone reaches that stage of life where they begin to ask the important questions.  Questions like "What's so special about 'Grey Poupon'?  Isn't it just fancy mustard?"  Ok, I take it back.  That's not one of the important questions of life.  In fact, if there was a bottom three for most important questions of life, that'd probably be below those.  Do you track me?  I think I literally just said the 'Grey Poupon' question is the most useless, unimportant, and trivial question that there is, has ever been, and will ever be for the duration of mankind.  

No, the question that I'm talking about is one that has reared its ugly head for me from time-to-time over the past few months.  That question basically being some semblance of "Who Am I?".  Side note, maybe I have too much time on my hands if I'm pondering the same things that fictitious male model, Derek Zoolander found himself pondering.  Now, I know my name's Jesse.  I'm married to Bethany, father of Ellie.  Son of Terry and Cindy.  Proud to call myself a Christian.  Those are the major things (in no particular order) that make me me.  However, still the question remains, "Who Am I?".  Well, today, I finally got somewhat of an answer to that one.

As you probably realize, there's a certain amount of predictability to being a stay-at-home dad in terms of my schedule.  Basically put the baby down for a nap, feed her when she awakes, change the diaper, play, rinse and repeat.  So per procedure, once Ellie awoke from her morning nap, I roused her from the swing and commenced the refueling process.  Normally, nothing calms what ails Ellie like a nice bottle of milk.  Unfortunately for yours truly, that was not the case today.  

See Ellie found herself in an extremely sour mood for most of the morning.  She actually spent the better part of four hours rattling my eardrums.  I can't be certain, but there could be tiny cracks in all of the glass in our home due to the intensity, pitch, and duration of her screaming sessions today.  Unlikely, yes, but I don't have a microscope with which to confirm.  Even a pair of phone calls with her mommy didn't help.  Finally, I decided to resort to drastic measures and pull out the car seat.  Of course, once Ellie was buckled in, the smiles broke out immediately (See, strong troll game).  

With no alternative, we set out on an afternoon journey.  While I was initially planning on just driving around, I did pack our cloth shopping bags just in case.  You see, Wednesday has turned into our unofficial fruits and vegetables shopping day since 'Sprouts' has great discounts on those days.  Therefore, once I confirmed Ellie was in a good mood, we headed to 'Sprouts' to stock up.  

Insert Sarah McLachlan here...

While, wandering around the grocery store, we ran into one of our friends who is also a stay-at-home parent shopping with her kids.  Of course, Kayla and I chatted for a few minutes before going our separate ways.  As I walked away, I found myself having a little revelation.  "I'm a stay-at-home parent!"  Now, I know you're confused and saying, "Yeah, dummy.  You've been doing this for like seven months."  Point made.  No, really, this was actually one of the first times that I realized it.  I am a stay-at-home parent now and part of a small fraternity (or sorority).  That's my job and it's important for me to do it to the best of my ability.  Even when the days get long, the hours get hard, and my ears begin to bleed.  Still important for me to do my best.

At least until Ellie has officially driven me over the edge to the point where I'm sitting in the corner rocking back and forth flicking my lips with my index finger while saying something that sounds like "Budub budub budub".  Once that time comes, then I can only commit to doing the bare minimum for a passable grade.  Just like my Biology 101 class in college.  #DaddyWrite

If I can't find a corner....

Day 115 - Two Guys, A Baby, and a Cake

Every once in a great while, I find myself compelled to do something nice.  Maybe it's helping the proverbial old lady cross the street.  Perhaps it's rearranging the carts in the cart corral at the grocery store to make life easier for the poor cart guy.  Or maybe, just maybe, it's abstaining from poking fun at Canada.  Oh who am I kidding?  I can't make fun of Canada.  It's a glorious place full of hockey, maple syrup, and the word "eh".  They even brought us Bill Shatner!

Back to basics, today marked Bethany's first annual twenty-ninth birthday and like any good husband, I found myself thinking about how to mark the occasion this morning.  Normally, the answer would be to go out on a nice little date but that wasn't going to be possible for two reasons.  Number one being #BecauseBaby and number two being that Bethany would be working late this evening.  So some contemplation, I decided that making Bethany a cake would be a great way to show my affection and make her feel special.  

The question was what kind though.  Given that this was my first ever experience making a cake, you'd think I'd go simple.  Nope, I decided to go all out and try an ice cream cake.  Once I located the perfect ice cream cake recipe on Google, Ellie and I headed to the grocery store to get the necessary ingredients.  One box of Chocolate Fudge cake mix, a cube of Chocolate Chip ice cream, and a cube of vanilla ice cream later, Ellie and I loaded up in the car and headed home.  

Thus began the great cake making experiment of 2017.  Into the mixing bowl went the cake mix, water, and oil.  Next on the list, eggs.  I open the refrigerator and reach my hand out to grab the egg carton only to grab thin air.  There were no eggs!  With no other alternative, I load Ellie back into her car seat and head back to the grocery store for a carton of eggs.  The unfortunate part of having to go back to the grocery store so soon is that everyone remembers you, especially when flanked by a cute baby.  The old guy arranging carts, grouchy Janice scanning my items, and Stevo the overly excited bag boy.  All would remember us and want the story of why we had returned so soon.  Not a story that you want to retell over and over again.

Coincidentally, the same face Ellie made when I shoved her back in her car seat...

Ellie and I would then return home and continue on in the process.  Shortly thereafter, we would be joined by my friend, Austin, to hang out and assist in our madness.  Once the cake mix had baked and cooled, then things got interesting.  I had to remove the cardboard box from my ice cream not that it was a big issue.  The bigger challenge was in slicing the cube of ice cream in half using a piece of dental floss per the instructions.  It's more difficult than it sounds.  For one thing, there's no way to hold onto ice cream using your hands without leaving your fingerprints behind.  

After several failed attempts, I finally had Austin hold the ice cream block in place using a pair of spatulas while I gently eased my floss into the ice cream.  I assumed the floss would cut like butter but it was not to be.  Finally after trying the floss and the sharpest knife in our kitchen, I chose to embrace my inner Jackie Chan and use my mad karate chopping skills to split the block in half (Don't worry, my hands were clean).  Finally, I achieved success and placed my two blocks side-by-side on top of the cake and put it in the freezer to harden.  After I used a spatula to spread the ice cream strategically to fill in my hand prints, that is. 

Nice form on that karate chop Jesse.

 After the ice cream spent several hours hardening, the next step was easy.  Mixing the vanilla ice cream with a hand mixer until smooth and painting it on the cake.  Once that step was completed, my task was done.  Bethany had one tasty cake awaiting her in the freezer.  That being said, it was not a pretty sight.  Good thing I'm not trying to make a living decorating cakes.  We'd go hungry here in the Holt household!  #DaddyWrite

Gordon Ramsey would not be happy!

Day 114 - The One With Little to No Baby Mentions...

Please don't be frightened.  Oops, now you're wondering if you should be frightened.  You've probably already began to wonder, "Should I really scroll any further down on this page?"  Or "Is Jesse going to share some deeply buried and disturbing secret?"  Perhaps, you're wondering "Do I need to have the phone close by to call somebody if things go south here?"  Well, allow me to tell you straight up.  You might very well have to do all of those things.  

UUUHHHHHHHHHHH

You see, more often than not #DaddyWrite is about Ellie.  Probably about 90% Ellie and 10% me.  Or 70% Ellie and 30% me.  No more than 60/40 though.  At least I assume that's the case.  I refuse to do a statistical study as to whom the main "character" of my blog is.  Nope, not happening.  The statistical part of my life ended my freshman year of college.  If you really need that information, contact my brother-in-law, Ryan the actuary.  I'm sure he'd be thrilled to make that happen for you... 

Contact Ryan for all your actuary needs.

Well, today is one of those days where I just need to share some confusion that I have about the world.  I mean, I could write about Ellie yelling at me this morning, but then being happy in the afternoon.  Or about how we went on an hour and a half walk that included the park and Casey's.  Or even about how while she was at the park, Ellie got to go down a tornado slide (on my lap of course).  But does anyone really want to hear cute stories of a baby outside.  As if.  Strictly passé.  So instead I'll write about something that I saw on that very walk that confused me greatly.

Have you ever seen one of those things that just really made you scratch your head and go, "Huh?".  Today Ellie and I were on the very walk that I alluded to earlier.  If you need a timeline, pre-park and pre-Casey's, post leaving home.  If you know the area in which we live, then you realize one of the first things that you come to is an Autozone.  I normally don't give the Autozone much attention when I travel by.  That is unless it's to make fun of the 52nd Staley High School car wash fundraiser of the year.  

When I walked by today, I noticed that there was a glass repair service on sight fixing a broken pane of glass on the side of the building.  My first thought was "Some young hooligan must have thrown a rock at it." (Why yes, I do live in a neighborhood with old people.  Why do you ask?)  As I got closer, my thoughts changed.  I noticed that behind the glass pane they had taken down was nothing but a stone wall.  Seriously.  

Hey look. A photo borrowed from Google Street!

Can someone please explain the reasoning to me for why a panel of glass resembling a tinted window is installed on the side of a building?  I realize that there is a certain aesthetic value to seeing "windows" on every side of a building.  It gives that impression that you're not trapped inside a stone box with only one way in and out like some kind of zoo animal.  Better yet, can someone explain to me how I never noticed that there were only windows on the front of the building whenever I've been in there.  Not only do I feel incredibly unperceptive right now but I also feel mildly misled by the fine people at Autozone.

Yes, you Autozone!

I'm just wondering what else have I thought was one thing that was really something else?  Do I really have to confirm the status of a window whenever I go into a store from this point forward?  If so, that's going to get really old, really fast.  I can't even imagine how the baby will feel about this when she gets old enough to notice.  It'll be like everything she knows is wrong.  Or more likely, she won't care in the least and will think her dad is slightly off-kilter.  #DaddyWrite