Day 1,038 - Getting Better

Changing one's attitude can definitely be easier said than done. That's especially true when one has been going through a down period. For longer than I would have liked to admit, I found myself being irrationally angry at Ellie and Ethan (mostly Ellie) for just being kids. I honestly don't feel like I ever figured out what the root cause of the issue was. However, I knew it was something that I needed to fix.

Well, I'm happy to report that fix it I did. I'm not going to lie and say it was a simple, easy fix or that it's not an ongoing process. For starters, I had to (re)learn how to forgive and move on. For some reason, whenever I found myself feeling "wronged" by the kids, I've been more apt to harbor ill will rather than immediately show forgiveness. Honestly, that's no way to be especially with one's children. 

Especially those children, right?

I also have had to retrain myself to correct wrong behavior in the kids with grace and patience instead of escalation. What I mean by that is that rather than immediately start yelling or punishing, explain what was wrong and give the kids a chance to correct the behavior. As a result of me keeping a cool head, I've seen Ellie especially respond in turn with a calm, cool demeanor. Better yet, she generally ends up correcting the behavior. Good stuff, right?

I think the biggest thing that's been helping over the past couple of weeks is that I actually reached out to people in an attempt to talk through my parenting struggles. Having positive conversations with other men encouraged me and showed me that I wasn't alone in my parenting frustrations. I'm sure it also helped that as part of those conversations, I had people actively praying for me to change.

As a result, I'm happy to admit that I haven't had a massive disagreement with Ellie in well over a week. There have definitely minor flare-ups where I've wanted to lash out but I've been doing a better job of walking away. After all, there's always a nice, soft pillow in my bedroom to dramatically smash my face into while screaming as loud as I can.

With a change in perspective, that means that I actually feel like I'm enjoying myself again. Of course, I realize that could be due to a multitude of factors. For example, warmer weather means less time inside the house which makes everyone happier. Just this week alone, we've already made a zoo trip, multiple park trips, and a family walk/bike ride. Of course, another side effect of all of these big activities is that the kids sleep better.

I know that me continuing to have a good attitude isn't going to come naturally. There are definitely going to be times where I'm frustrated and want to sell one of the kids on eBay. However, through continued prayer and a strong support group, I know I can make it through.

Oh, I almost forgot. It also helps that the Royals currently have the best record in Major League Baseball. That's cause for celebration and a good attitude, right? #DaddyWrite

It's...just...so...beautiful

 

Day 1,030 - A Stint in the Greeting Card Industry

At some point in everyone's life, they come up with the perfect dream for their future. Well, almost everyone does. I never really knew (and still don't know) what I wanted to do with my life which is a big reason why I spent eight years working in a job that wasn't exactly my cup of tea. That's ok though because it taught what I don't want to do when I try to find a grown-up job again.

In some ways though, Ellie is leaps and bounds ahead of me. For example, at the tender age of four, she's already figured out what she wants to do for the rest of her life.  She wants to be an artist!

 

Now, the thing about Ellie being four is that her dream job changes several times a year. In the past, she's wanted to be an astronaut, a zookeeper, an accountant, a farmer, and a mom. While none of those jobs are farfetched (except maybe astronaut), I can actually see Ellie succeeding as an artist. That's especially true when you consider Ellie's favorite hobby of making greeting cards.

Ever since she was capable of creating "works of art", Ellie has prided herself on making "gifts" for the people in her life. Bethany and I actually have received more random pieces of paper than we can count from Ellie. Since they all have deep emotional ties for Ellie, we find ourselves unable to part with them without emotionally destroying our daughter. Therefore, we now have piles and piles of art projects laying around the house of varying quality.

The first of these projects basically consisted of crayon scribbles, haphazardly placed stickers, and ill-folded sheets of paper. As Ellie has matured, so has the quality of these projects. Some of her newer works include hand-drawn pictures of the kids and us accompanied by the ever-present "I Love You." It's actually incredibly sweet and never fails to warm my heart each time I receive one.

Yesterday, for the first time, Bethany thought to ask Ellie why she enjoys making cards so much. Ellie for her part had an answer prepared without having to give nary a thought. "Cards make people feel special." I can't be certain but that sounds like a slogan that a greeting card company would come up with. Either that or a marketing firm hired to represent a greeting card company. My point is still valid though.

Armed with this information, I decided to make Ellie feel special by making a greeting card for her while she was at preschool. First of all, I had to decide the medium of choice. While I could make one on the PC, that seemed a little impersonal for my daughter who I love. My next thought was to cut pieces out of construction paper and glue it onto another sheet. At the risk of sounding like a bad parent though, I didn't want to go to that much effort. It was then that I saw Ellie's watercolors still out on the table from this morning's craft time and knew I had my answer.

Arming myself with a white piece of printer paper, I started by folding it in half. Then, taking my paintbrush in hand, I first dipped the brush into yellow paint and drew a spiral shape on the front cover. Then, I washed my brush and dipped it in orange and began creating heat lines coming off the spiral. Before I knew it, I had a fun little tribal sun design.

On the inside, I wrote a cute, little note for Ellie to read but still found myself with a rather large area to fill. Therefore, I just decided to have some and use every color in her paint set to create a rainbow. By the time I was done with her card, I was pretty proud of myself.

As for Ellie, she was ecstatic. In fact, upon seeing the card I left at the table for her, she bubbled over with joy. The smile couldn't have been surgically removed from her face in that moment. Throughout the rest of the day, she even referenced the card several times and made sure to mention how special it made her feel and why.

 I legitimately love how such a small gesture of love made Ellie feel so special. Now, here's hoping that's still the case when she reaches her teenage years. #DaddyWrite

 

Day 1,024 - "It's hard to be vulnerable."

It's hard to be vulnerable. No one wants to admit when they find themselves struggling or when they aren't being the person that they want to be. While I normally convey a joyful exterior with nary a hint of seriousness, there are definitely those times when I find myself struggling with issues that I keep hidden under the surface. For me, those issues have primarily been due to my relationship with Ellie.

Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter a ton. However, she can be an extremely difficult person to deal with at times. It's seriously like she's a teenager in a four-year-old's body. It's really going to be strange someday when she's seven or eight and she's already the size of an average teenager.

Where I find myself struggling the most with Ellie is in my ability to keep a cool head when being challenged. For whatever reason, almost any kind of direction I give her is met by arguing or straight-up refusal to comply. It's not like I'm asking her to do anything difficult either. This morning, I simply was asking Ellie to leave our bedroom for ten minutes so that Bethany could have her daily Bible time. That relatively simple request was met with passive-aggressive slow walking which led to screaming which then led to Ellie laying on the floor kicking and screaming. Hardly the way anyone wants to start their morning.

While I was able to keep my cool this morning in the face of Ellie's challenge, that's not always the case. In fact, often times I'm much more likely to physically remove her from a situation when she is being obstinate. Unfortunately, that normally results in Ellie's overzealous claims that I'm hurting her. In case you couldn't guess, that's not really something I want to have happen. Whenever she responds in that manner, I'm pretty much left to walk away and try to cool down since my emotions will inevitably have started to get out of control.

It's those very emotions that lead to most of my issues with Ellie. She and I are definitely cut from the same cloth in terms of allowing our emotions to rule us. While she will probably outgrow that trait (hopefully), there's probably no hope for me at this point. Therefore, it's up to me to try and be the bigger person. Unfortunately that's easier said than done. In fact, as recently as this past weekend, Ellie was apologizing to me for one of her emotional outbursts but rather than accept her apology like any rational adult would, I instead said I needed time and walked away. Seriously, who does that? Honestly!

I know that one of the underlying issues at play in these power struggles with Ellie is my desire to be respected. It's evident to me that my desire for respect can oftentimes rule me in all areas of life. While that's not necessarily a bad thing, it can certainly turn into one if not kept in check. For me, that's certainly a battle to make sure I am doing just that.

While writing about this struggle isn't going to provide any kind of immediate fix to this problem, I'm hoping that the public airing of these difficulties will help provide an aura of accountability. After all, as a parent to Ellie (and Ethan), it's important that I help show them what a functional, emotionally-stable adult looks like. While I may not have figured out what that means yet, I can at least try to fake my way through it for the time being.

#DaddyWrite

Day 1,017 - Ready to Read

Something important happened. That's the only excuse for me missing (checks calendar) 13 days of blogging about stay-at-home dad duties. Right? Right? Right?

Sorry to disappoint but nothing monumental happened. There were a few playdates, a trip to Savannah and Nebraska, a zoo trip(!), the 'Psych' book series, and March Madness. Actually, just blame my lack of posting all on that last one. As everyone knows, once you get out of a habit, it's extremely difficult to get back into the swing of things.

While there is plenty of minutiae to report on, I want to remember one of the biggest things happening right now in our house. Over the past month, Ellie has made steady progress on her reading abilities and I'm proud to report that she is officially a reading machine! Well, reading machine might be overselling it; that would make her a Kindle instead of a human being.  However, that being said, she has definitely taken great strides in her reading abilities over the last month.

A portrait of Ellie. Wait, no, that's a Kindle.

It started simply enough with Bethany and I specifically asking Ellie to identify words here and there in books over the past year. Then, my mom dug into her stash of supplies from her days as a reading teacher and found a lot of sight words for us to work on with her. Her preschool teachers also did the same and before we knew what was happening, Ellie was reading books aloud to us.

Now, I should mention that she's not reading 'War and Peace' or 'Atlas Shrugged'. I haven't even read any of those! Although, for the record, I was supposed to read 'Atlas Shrugged' for an extremely painful class in college for Professor Steve Gilbert. However, it seemed like a much better use of my time to read the chapter summaries on Spark Notes. Spoiler alert: it was, except I've still never read 'Atlas Shrugged'. 

At least I remember what the cover looked like. That counts for something, right?

Obviously, Ellie is reading age appropriate books. Our favorites right now happen to be the 'Ready to Read' series and the 'I Can Read' series. Both have various levels with Ellie currently finding herself on Level 1. The great thing about these books is that we're finding subject matter that Ellie is actually interested in and has previous exposure to. Some of her favorites include stories about 'Paw Patrol' and 'Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood'. Since she knows the characters already, it's making it so much easier for her since names sometimes cause her to struggle.

Ellie's current favorites include the above.

My favorite thing about watching Ellie read is seeing the confidence that she is seemingly building in her abilities day in and day out. While she will inevitably struggle with a word the first time she sees it, it doesn't take her long to figure it out. For the most part, once she successfully sounds out a word once, she has it figured out and will get the word just by looking at it.

While I was a little afraid that Ellie would lose her desire to have me read to her once she learned to read, that fear has not come to pass. She still adores sitting in Bethany's or my lap and being read to. While I know that will eventually end, I'm determined to enjoy those times while they still take place. I can't speak for Bethany though. Joking!

#DaddyWrite

Day 1,003 - The One with What is Essentially Ellie's Report Card

I just finished writing (what I thought was) a clever blog opening about how much time runs together as a stay-at-home parent. I made a joke about how days and weeks and months often tend to blend together. Then I mentioned how years are exempt from this rule only because of the presence of birthdays and Christmas and Columbus Day. It's funny because no one really acknowledges or even cares about Columbus Day. Get it? 

Robert California knows what's up.

Anyway, the only thing that can add to that little story is the fact that as soon as I finished writing it, my PC flashed the blue screen of death necessitating a restart and yes, you guessed it, me getting to rewrite my opening since it wasn't saved. No worries though.

Back to the topic at hand. I bring up the idea of time running together because that's exactly what happens to me. It's especially true during those times that I neglect to write things down. Therefore, I find myself completely unable to remember if something happened on the Tuesday or this week or the Tuesday of last week. I supposed it doesn't really matter; the lack of knowing will just haunt my dreams tonight.

The topic in question is referring to Bethany and me receiving Ellie's progress report from preschool. This was actually a really exciting thing for us as Bethany and I had been eager to know how Ellie was progressing at school. While we can see certain things at home, we certainly can't accurately gauge her skills in the same way a trained teacher can.

As we looked at Ellie's progress report, we first noticed that nearly everything was perfect. Her academic progress was all at the "Mastered" level and if we had any doubts at all, her teacher had included multiple assessments taken throughout the year confirming that Ellie had indeed "Mastered"...things. There were two areas though that Ellie scored a mere "Improving" which caused us a little concern.

The first was in the area of ability to be respectful of other children's needs and feelings. What? How can that be? Not our Ellie? If those comments seem disingenuous, I assure you they are not. Bethany and I were honestly shocked about that as we've never seen anything other than the extreme love that Ellie shows for her friends and brother. The other area the teacher marked Ellie as "Improving" in was in regards to her ability to verbalize needs and feelings. According to her progress report, Ellie has been known to use her hands instead of her words in certain situations.

After talking to people in the education field that we trust, it was made evident that we don't have anything to worry about. We just need to continue to help Ellie learn to express herself in a positive manner. She also needs to continue to grow in understanding her own emotions.

The weird thing about Ellie's progress report is how I reacted to it. While I should have been unbelievably stoked about all of the areas she did well in, I instead couldn't get my mind off those two "Improving" ratings. Don't worry though as I took great care to not let Ellie know that was happening.

Honestly, I'm glad my mind responded in that fashion. For one thing, I'm sure I'll experience similar emotions the first time Ellie gets a B or C in school. Therefore, it's really important for me to figure out how to respond and deal with those emotions. It's also important to remember that I need to focus not just on the bad things but also focus on all of the things Ellie does well. After all, I want Ellie to grow up knowing that Bethany and I are proud of her and that all we ask is that she does her best.

At least that's the case until she becomes President of the United States. Then she needs to be perfect. Also, I guarantee that those will be four (or eight) years I'll remember every single day of. #DaddyWrite

A photo from Day 1,002