Day 1,038 - Getting Better

Changing one's attitude can definitely be easier said than done. That's especially true when one has been going through a down period. For longer than I would have liked to admit, I found myself being irrationally angry at Ellie and Ethan (mostly Ellie) for just being kids. I honestly don't feel like I ever figured out what the root cause of the issue was. However, I knew it was something that I needed to fix.

Well, I'm happy to report that fix it I did. I'm not going to lie and say it was a simple, easy fix or that it's not an ongoing process. For starters, I had to (re)learn how to forgive and move on. For some reason, whenever I found myself feeling "wronged" by the kids, I've been more apt to harbor ill will rather than immediately show forgiveness. Honestly, that's no way to be especially with one's children. 

Especially those children, right?

I also have had to retrain myself to correct wrong behavior in the kids with grace and patience instead of escalation. What I mean by that is that rather than immediately start yelling or punishing, explain what was wrong and give the kids a chance to correct the behavior. As a result of me keeping a cool head, I've seen Ellie especially respond in turn with a calm, cool demeanor. Better yet, she generally ends up correcting the behavior. Good stuff, right?

I think the biggest thing that's been helping over the past couple of weeks is that I actually reached out to people in an attempt to talk through my parenting struggles. Having positive conversations with other men encouraged me and showed me that I wasn't alone in my parenting frustrations. I'm sure it also helped that as part of those conversations, I had people actively praying for me to change.

As a result, I'm happy to admit that I haven't had a massive disagreement with Ellie in well over a week. There have definitely minor flare-ups where I've wanted to lash out but I've been doing a better job of walking away. After all, there's always a nice, soft pillow in my bedroom to dramatically smash my face into while screaming as loud as I can.

With a change in perspective, that means that I actually feel like I'm enjoying myself again. Of course, I realize that could be due to a multitude of factors. For example, warmer weather means less time inside the house which makes everyone happier. Just this week alone, we've already made a zoo trip, multiple park trips, and a family walk/bike ride. Of course, another side effect of all of these big activities is that the kids sleep better.

I know that me continuing to have a good attitude isn't going to come naturally. There are definitely going to be times where I'm frustrated and want to sell one of the kids on eBay. However, through continued prayer and a strong support group, I know I can make it through.

Oh, I almost forgot. It also helps that the Royals currently have the best record in Major League Baseball. That's cause for celebration and a good attitude, right? #DaddyWrite

It's...just...so...beautiful