Day 1,038 - Getting Better

Changing one's attitude can definitely be easier said than done. That's especially true when one has been going through a down period. For longer than I would have liked to admit, I found myself being irrationally angry at Ellie and Ethan (mostly Ellie) for just being kids. I honestly don't feel like I ever figured out what the root cause of the issue was. However, I knew it was something that I needed to fix.

Well, I'm happy to report that fix it I did. I'm not going to lie and say it was a simple, easy fix or that it's not an ongoing process. For starters, I had to (re)learn how to forgive and move on. For some reason, whenever I found myself feeling "wronged" by the kids, I've been more apt to harbor ill will rather than immediately show forgiveness. Honestly, that's no way to be especially with one's children. 

Especially those children, right?

I also have had to retrain myself to correct wrong behavior in the kids with grace and patience instead of escalation. What I mean by that is that rather than immediately start yelling or punishing, explain what was wrong and give the kids a chance to correct the behavior. As a result of me keeping a cool head, I've seen Ellie especially respond in turn with a calm, cool demeanor. Better yet, she generally ends up correcting the behavior. Good stuff, right?

I think the biggest thing that's been helping over the past couple of weeks is that I actually reached out to people in an attempt to talk through my parenting struggles. Having positive conversations with other men encouraged me and showed me that I wasn't alone in my parenting frustrations. I'm sure it also helped that as part of those conversations, I had people actively praying for me to change.

As a result, I'm happy to admit that I haven't had a massive disagreement with Ellie in well over a week. There have definitely minor flare-ups where I've wanted to lash out but I've been doing a better job of walking away. After all, there's always a nice, soft pillow in my bedroom to dramatically smash my face into while screaming as loud as I can.

With a change in perspective, that means that I actually feel like I'm enjoying myself again. Of course, I realize that could be due to a multitude of factors. For example, warmer weather means less time inside the house which makes everyone happier. Just this week alone, we've already made a zoo trip, multiple park trips, and a family walk/bike ride. Of course, another side effect of all of these big activities is that the kids sleep better.

I know that me continuing to have a good attitude isn't going to come naturally. There are definitely going to be times where I'm frustrated and want to sell one of the kids on eBay. However, through continued prayer and a strong support group, I know I can make it through.

Oh, I almost forgot. It also helps that the Royals currently have the best record in Major League Baseball. That's cause for celebration and a good attitude, right? #DaddyWrite

It's...just...so...beautiful

 

Day 1,030 - A Stint in the Greeting Card Industry

At some point in everyone's life, they come up with the perfect dream for their future. Well, almost everyone does. I never really knew (and still don't know) what I wanted to do with my life which is a big reason why I spent eight years working in a job that wasn't exactly my cup of tea. That's ok though because it taught what I don't want to do when I try to find a grown-up job again.

In some ways though, Ellie is leaps and bounds ahead of me. For example, at the tender age of four, she's already figured out what she wants to do for the rest of her life.  She wants to be an artist!

 

Now, the thing about Ellie being four is that her dream job changes several times a year. In the past, she's wanted to be an astronaut, a zookeeper, an accountant, a farmer, and a mom. While none of those jobs are farfetched (except maybe astronaut), I can actually see Ellie succeeding as an artist. That's especially true when you consider Ellie's favorite hobby of making greeting cards.

Ever since she was capable of creating "works of art", Ellie has prided herself on making "gifts" for the people in her life. Bethany and I actually have received more random pieces of paper than we can count from Ellie. Since they all have deep emotional ties for Ellie, we find ourselves unable to part with them without emotionally destroying our daughter. Therefore, we now have piles and piles of art projects laying around the house of varying quality.

The first of these projects basically consisted of crayon scribbles, haphazardly placed stickers, and ill-folded sheets of paper. As Ellie has matured, so has the quality of these projects. Some of her newer works include hand-drawn pictures of the kids and us accompanied by the ever-present "I Love You." It's actually incredibly sweet and never fails to warm my heart each time I receive one.

Yesterday, for the first time, Bethany thought to ask Ellie why she enjoys making cards so much. Ellie for her part had an answer prepared without having to give nary a thought. "Cards make people feel special." I can't be certain but that sounds like a slogan that a greeting card company would come up with. Either that or a marketing firm hired to represent a greeting card company. My point is still valid though.

Armed with this information, I decided to make Ellie feel special by making a greeting card for her while she was at preschool. First of all, I had to decide the medium of choice. While I could make one on the PC, that seemed a little impersonal for my daughter who I love. My next thought was to cut pieces out of construction paper and glue it onto another sheet. At the risk of sounding like a bad parent though, I didn't want to go to that much effort. It was then that I saw Ellie's watercolors still out on the table from this morning's craft time and knew I had my answer.

Arming myself with a white piece of printer paper, I started by folding it in half. Then, taking my paintbrush in hand, I first dipped the brush into yellow paint and drew a spiral shape on the front cover. Then, I washed my brush and dipped it in orange and began creating heat lines coming off the spiral. Before I knew it, I had a fun little tribal sun design.

On the inside, I wrote a cute, little note for Ellie to read but still found myself with a rather large area to fill. Therefore, I just decided to have some and use every color in her paint set to create a rainbow. By the time I was done with her card, I was pretty proud of myself.

As for Ellie, she was ecstatic. In fact, upon seeing the card I left at the table for her, she bubbled over with joy. The smile couldn't have been surgically removed from her face in that moment. Throughout the rest of the day, she even referenced the card several times and made sure to mention how special it made her feel and why.

 I legitimately love how such a small gesture of love made Ellie feel so special. Now, here's hoping that's still the case when she reaches her teenage years. #DaddyWrite

 

Day 1,024 - "It's hard to be vulnerable."

It's hard to be vulnerable. No one wants to admit when they find themselves struggling or when they aren't being the person that they want to be. While I normally convey a joyful exterior with nary a hint of seriousness, there are definitely those times when I find myself struggling with issues that I keep hidden under the surface. For me, those issues have primarily been due to my relationship with Ellie.

Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter a ton. However, she can be an extremely difficult person to deal with at times. It's seriously like she's a teenager in a four-year-old's body. It's really going to be strange someday when she's seven or eight and she's already the size of an average teenager.

Where I find myself struggling the most with Ellie is in my ability to keep a cool head when being challenged. For whatever reason, almost any kind of direction I give her is met by arguing or straight-up refusal to comply. It's not like I'm asking her to do anything difficult either. This morning, I simply was asking Ellie to leave our bedroom for ten minutes so that Bethany could have her daily Bible time. That relatively simple request was met with passive-aggressive slow walking which led to screaming which then led to Ellie laying on the floor kicking and screaming. Hardly the way anyone wants to start their morning.

While I was able to keep my cool this morning in the face of Ellie's challenge, that's not always the case. In fact, often times I'm much more likely to physically remove her from a situation when she is being obstinate. Unfortunately, that normally results in Ellie's overzealous claims that I'm hurting her. In case you couldn't guess, that's not really something I want to have happen. Whenever she responds in that manner, I'm pretty much left to walk away and try to cool down since my emotions will inevitably have started to get out of control.

It's those very emotions that lead to most of my issues with Ellie. She and I are definitely cut from the same cloth in terms of allowing our emotions to rule us. While she will probably outgrow that trait (hopefully), there's probably no hope for me at this point. Therefore, it's up to me to try and be the bigger person. Unfortunately that's easier said than done. In fact, as recently as this past weekend, Ellie was apologizing to me for one of her emotional outbursts but rather than accept her apology like any rational adult would, I instead said I needed time and walked away. Seriously, who does that? Honestly!

I know that one of the underlying issues at play in these power struggles with Ellie is my desire to be respected. It's evident to me that my desire for respect can oftentimes rule me in all areas of life. While that's not necessarily a bad thing, it can certainly turn into one if not kept in check. For me, that's certainly a battle to make sure I am doing just that.

While writing about this struggle isn't going to provide any kind of immediate fix to this problem, I'm hoping that the public airing of these difficulties will help provide an aura of accountability. After all, as a parent to Ellie (and Ethan), it's important that I help show them what a functional, emotionally-stable adult looks like. While I may not have figured out what that means yet, I can at least try to fake my way through it for the time being.

#DaddyWrite