If I'm being completely honest, the last couple of months
have been really hard. It's true that part of that is due to quarantines and
pandemics but there's also another reason. That reason is my relationship with
Ellie. While we have always been close, I've begun to see little cracks there
over the past couple of months. For some reason, me wanting to do the simplest
things with her sets her off.
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| Hey everyone, time to run away from the upset child. |
On one occasion, it will be me wanting to do something as
simple as read her a story in the middle of the afternoon. It doesn't matter
how nicely I ask or how I go about it, the end result is her screaming at me
(literally), "Only Mommy is allowed to read books to me!" With that,
she'll either sprint to her bedroom and slam the door or she will lay down in
the floor, kicking and screaming.
Ellie also seemingly has an issue with me wanting to play
with her. It hasn't really mattered what the activity is. Lego, puzzles, board
games, or any other of a variety of toys and activities have fostered no
success. When I ask her why she doesn't want to play with me, her response is heartbreaking
in its message. That message? "I love my mommy and only want to play with
her, not you."
I know it's important for me to keep in mind that those
words are coming directly from the mouth of a three-year-old and it's likely
that she doesn't know what she is saying. However, that doesn't help me feel
any better. In fact, a person can only hear something like that so many times
before it starts to break them and I've definitely been getting close to
reaching that point. Lucky for me, Bethany has begun to hear enough of Ellie's
somewhat disparaging and is now defending me to our daughter.
It started out simply enough with Bethany gently reminding
Ellie that her words can be hurtful and has now morphed into her emphatically
declaring that she doesn't want to hear Ellie speak to me that way. Still
though, there was little impact until Wednesday night.
After we put Ellie to bed for the night, I walked downstairs
to find Ellie's favorite stuffed animals, Moana and Bunny, sitting on the couch
in our living room. While I initially didn't want to react since Ellie had just
finished being mean to me, ultimately my soft heart won out. Taking both
animals into my arms, I headed back upstairs and gently knocked on Ellie's door
before heading in.
Once inside, we had a gentle conversation about how her
words really hurt me and I'm tired of it. I also let her know that I love her
very much and when I ask to do things with her, it's because I legitimately
want to spend time with her. To my surprise, my words seemed to resonate with
Ellie on this occasion as she immediately listed off all of the activities she
wanted to do with me the following day. After assuring her that we would do
everything she listed, I gave her a hug and kiss and left her room.
Honestly, I didn't really think Ellie would follow through
with her plans for the next day. Little did I know that she had every intention
of keeping her word. The next morning, Ellie wandered into our bedroom around
5:45. Instead of making a beeline for Bethany as she normally would, Ellie
instead clambered up onto my chest and shook me awake. Then she told me the
following words: "Hey, it's time for you to read Sheep Dog and Sheep Sheep to me." From there on, we
essentially spent every second of the day together until Bethany got off work.
Further more, Ellie must have figured out that she actually
enjoys hanging out with me because she has been much more apt to do so since
that day. There's still the occasion demand of "I want Mommy to do
it," but overall things are much better. There's certainly less yelling,
screaming, and crying. Oh, and Ellie's maintaining better control of her
emotions as well! #DaddyWrite
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