There are certain topics that when posted are pretty much
guaranteed to generate some hits. This is probably one of them. I should add
the disclaimer here that per the wise counsel of my wife, I will be slightly
vague. Never fear though as all of the high points will undoubtedly be
revealed.
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| How my vagueness makes readers feel... |
Today marked a big day for Ethan as it was time for his very
first doctor's visit. With Ellie, this ended up being less a joy and more a
frustration due to the fact that she spent most of the first year of her life
at the bottom of the growth charts. Therefore there was always much concern
from her doctor. I will say that some of it was probably warranted but most of
it was probably an overreaction. That's ok though.
Back to Ethan. Amazingly enough, everything seemed great at
first glance. For starters, he's actually almost back to his birth weight and
only needs two more ounces to do so. Amazing for a child who hasn't even spent
a full week out of the womb. He's also grown an inch longer to boot!
While most things seemed pretty solid, it so happens that
our doctor did find one cause for concern. Unfortunately for us (and Ethan),
this was not something he could solve in the office. With that, Bethany sent me
a text saying to get Ellie ready because we would be heading to Children's
Mercy. Confusion pretty much reigned supreme at that moment until she called me
with some additional details. As soon as Bethany arrived home, we quickly
loaded up Ellie and headed south towards downtown.
Upon arriving at Children's Mercy, imagine my surprise to
have to go through a double check-in process. Not only did we have to do a
formal registration with the front desk, but we also had to do a check-in with
perhaps the least engaging security guard of all time. After a few minutes, we
finally made it to the jungle-themed waiting room where I entertained Ellie
with every toy in the place while Bethany waited with Ethan. Finally, the time
had arrived for us to be called back.
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| Pictures weren't allowed inside the emergency room (obviously) so please enjoy this picture of my ID tag. |
As soon as we reached our room, the first thing I was
instructed to do was remove Ethan's diaper for a nurse to examine everything.
Unfortunately for me, I was suddenly overcome by an extremely warm feeling
while doing so. You see, Ethan had chosen that exact moment to empty his
bladder all over the diaper, his clothes, my hand, and subsequently, the floor.
Luckily for us, I had packed a change of clothes for just such an occasion.
With that, the nurse left the room, promising to be back
shortly with the doctor. Now, I don't know if you have ever tried to keep a
toddler occupied in a hospital emergency room but it's not an easy process.
That's especially true when the only toys in said room are attached to the wall
and kind of broken. Therefore, Ellie made her own entertainment by continually
hopping on and off the bed and relentlessly wheeling a stool across the room.
Mercifully, the ER doctor soon arrived.
After checking Ethan thoroughly, the ER doctor decided he
needed to seek an outside opinion. With that, he snapped a photo of the issue
and forwarded it to another department. He then left the room, essentially
sentencing us to another round of bed jumps and stool pushing. Finally the
specialist arrived to check out the issue.
For the record, specialist might be a bit nice as this
resident was somewhat unprepared for what he was getting into. Again, poor
Ethan's diaper was removed so everything could be surveyed. About this time,
poor Bethany was forced into starting her own "medical" career as she
was asked to help hold Ethan down for his examination. Next thing we knew, a
cart full of medical tools were being wheeled in and Bethany was not only
having to hold down our son, but was also having to unwrap tools for the
resident. About this time, Ellie became overwhelmed by everything going on and
we stepped out just as a pair of ER doctors headed into our room to relieve
Bethany of the duties she neither wanted or asked for.
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| A visual representation of Bethany's medical career. |
After spending a few minutes roaming the halls, Ellie and I wandered
back into the exam room to find that everything was just fine. Well, almost
everything. You see, there had been some casualties in the battle. In his
frustration/anger/discomfort (whatever you want to call it), Ethan had made his
displeasure known by urinating all over not one, not two, but all three
doctors. Bonus points for the fact that he sprayed one doctor in the face so
much that he had to step back to dry off his glasses before continuing.
With that, it was time for us to head home and bring a close
to our morning of adventures. We were certainly grateful that nothing terrible
was wrong with our son and it was an easy fix. We were also reminded that
visiting the ER is never a fun filled time by the visage of an Amish father
carrying a child underneath a pile of blankets while a concerned looking mother
and grandmother trailed along behind.
On a positive note, at least Ethan is now forever in the
Children's Mercy database. I can say that with certainty since the lady
checking us in actually found my results from my liver biopsy circa 2000 when
listing me as Ethan's father. You're welcome for two generations of business,
Children's Mercy! #DaddyWrite
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| The bookkeepers at Children's Mercy upon hearing that news. |
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