I am very sorry to interrupt your regularly scheduled (ha)
blog post. However, it's imperative that I speak to you about an issue that is
plaguing many across the nation. Not just the nation, but the continent. Also,
not just the continent, but the world.
**Pause for dramatic effect**
The issue to which I speak is properly referred to as the
pharyngeal reflex although you may instead know it by its more common name, the
gag reflex. Even though the gag reflex doesn't seem to elicit concerns from
most licensed practitioners of medicine, I still feel the time has come to
eradicate it from life as we know it.
Truth be told, I actually just realized that gag reflex
probably isn't the thing I'm really wanting to eradicate. The fact that the
human body strives to avoid choking on anything that could potentially cause death
is a good thing. Instead, after minimal research, I think I really want to get
rid of the dry heave. Allow me to explain.
As I'm guessing is normal for most every toddler, Ellie
really enjoys her daily snack. By the way, 'daily' is probably a misnomer there
as she generally is able to get two or three snacks out of me each day. Anyway,
her choice of snacks normally consists of one of the following: Cheerios,
Goldfish crackers, peanut butter crackers, cheese sticks, yogurt, or fruit. I'm
sure there are others I'm forgetting but it doesn't really matter.
Of each of those listed, it seems there is one that has
ascended to being Ellie's favorite. That is yogurt. Even though she's tasty its
creamy goodness on multiple occasions, the most recent batch struck a chord
with our bouncing, blonde baby. In fact, we've seen her making formal requests
for yogurt morning, noon, night, and everywhere in between.
For the record, a formal request from a baby isn't in
writing or anything. Instead, it's pretty much just her holding a plate or bowl
in front of your face while she mutters "yogurt" over and over again.
I'm sad to say that we unfortunately saw our yogurt supply
plummet from some to none over the past week. I'm also sad to say that we
unfortunately haven't made the attempt to obtain more yogurt for Ellie's
consumption in that span of time. However, that hasn't stopped the sad refrains
of "yogurt" from escaping Ellie's mouth.
Despite repeated reassurances that we were out of yogurt,
Ellie's requests did not cease. Finally, from the mind of Bethany, a response
was crafted. On Sunday when the requests for yogurt spilled out of Ellie's
mouth, Bethany headed to the refrigerator, extracted a tub of cottage cheese, and
placed a generous dollop on Ellie's plate. While I was certain Ellie would be
smart enough to notice the difference, I was shocked and dismayed to find out
she was not.
The reason for my shock and dismay? You see, while my wife
and daughter apparently love cottage cheese, I am not the world's biggest fan.
If it's cooked into lasagna or something, I can normally get past it. However,
raw cottage cheese is my Achilles heel. Between the smell and the sight, it
doesn't take long for me to start dry heaving. In fact, I'm doing so right now
as I think about it.
Regardless of my feelings about cottage cheese, part of my
role as a father is to man up when the tough times hit and come through for
Ellie. Today, when the cries for yogurt came raining down, there was only one
thing I could do. It started with grabbing a clean bowl and getting the
container of cottage cheese out of the fridge.
Here's where the hard part began. As I pried the lid off the
container, the sudden feelings of nausea swept over me. Looking at the curdled
substance below me, it was all I could do to hold my true feelings (among other
things) inside. Finally, I held my breath, looked up at the ceiling, and
proceeded to scoop two large spoonfuls into Ellie's bowl before dramatically
slamming the lid back on the container. Upon delivering the bowl to Ellie, she
immediately dug in, and ultimately consumed the entire bowl in about 45 seconds
to my undeniable chagrin.
Lucky for me, I just have to find the courage to dish it out
for her each day. I don't actually have to eat it. The true challenge though will be to simply continue getting it on a plate or in a bowl for Ellie.I'll keep you in the loop
for how that goes. #DaddyWrite
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