Day 673 - Time to Think

Anyone out there like disciplining their kids? I didn't think so. I could probably make an ill-suited Adrian Peterson with a switch comment here but I'm not going to do that.

I'm sorry for writing that last statement, Adrian. Don't hurt me.

Obviously, no one enjoys disciplining their kids but it does serve a purpose. I think it's something along the lines of helping our children to grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults who contribute to society in a positive manner. Either that or parents just want to keep themselves from going nuts when society devolves into something straight out of 'Lord of the Flies'. 

As a parent, you know you must be doing a good job when your children start punishing themselves for their actions. For the record, hopefully I'm not the only one who feels that way.

For this little story, allow me to flash back to yesterday morning. Ethan was in the midst of his customary morning nap and Ellie was happily playing in our family room. As for me, I was taking care of some much needed business. And yes, that is code for using the bathroom. 

Since Ethan had already been asleep for over an hour, I decided it might be smart to leave the door ajar. That way I could be absolutely certain that I would hear everything coming from his room across the hall. That turned out to be a very good idea as there I was, reading through all of the daily news, when I heard Ethan beginning to fuss. Since it was just that, fussing, me ceasing my personal business and running to his rescue was not an absolute priority. For Ethan's older sister though, that was not the case.

When Ellie heard the minor fuss that her brother was creating, she came bounding up the stairs and flew into the bathroom. She then looked at me with a very concerned look on her face before saying, "Ethan's awake. He's crying." My response? "Oh, honey. I want to see if he won't go back to sleep before getting him" which is code for I need to finish what I'm doing here. With that, Ellie backed out of the bathroom, announcing that she was closing the door while doing so. Despite my protests, Ellie still continued to do so.

Now, the next part of this is all speculation as I can't be entirely certain. Shortly after Ellie closed the bathroom door, I heard what I believe to be the unmistakable sound of a closed door opening. That sound was accompanied by an increase in the tempo and pitch of Ethan's volume. In other words, he started screaming. That sound was followed by what I imagine was the closing of a door.

The next thing I knew, Ellie had joined me back in the bathroom with a guilty look on her face. I looked at her and asked, "Honey, did you open Ethan's door?" Her response was "No, I didn't." To that, I responded, "Are you sure?". Ellie's reaction to that? "I'm going to go to my room and think about what I did." And with that, Ellie disappeared down the hall into her room, closing the door behind her. 

She finally reemerged about five minutes later to find Ethan and me in our living room. As she slowly made her way down the stairs, Ellie looked at me with a shy look on her face and said, "I've been in my room thinking about what I did." Try though I might, I couldn't get any more information out of her.

One thing is for sure. Bethany and I have reached that stage of parenting where Ellie is willing to punish herself for what she perceives to be her transgressions. It certainly makes our jobs easier and isn't that what parenting is all about? #DaddyWrite

I've got to have a cute baby picture, right?

Day 670 - "That's Unfortunate"

Over the past year or two, I've really gotten into 'Dude Perfect' on YouTube. It started simply enough with me searching for fidget spinner trick shots. Before long, I was going back and watching their entire catalog on YouTube. I still excitedly tune in every other Monday when they release a new video just to see what's in store. It also helps with being a fan to know that they are super strong followers of Christ and aren't afraid to share that part of their lives. 

As time has gone on, they've stepped away from trick shots somewhat and embraced a variety program format. Part of that variety program is a fake game show called "That's Unfortunate" where the loser suffers through weird punishments like flying to Wisconsin for literally no reason or waiting in line all day at an amusement park without riding anyrides. 

I would provide you with a link of the videos here but unfortunately they're all twenty minutes in length. Therefore, enjoy this gif of the dancing 'Dude Perfect' Panda.

This is all relevant because today I suffered through my very own version of "That's Unfortunate" and you can be quite certain that it was unfortunate.

I should begin by letting you know that the day didn't start off unfortunate. For one thing, I woke up knowing that I was going for a nice walk with the kids today. I even skipped the gym and everything as I knew I would get good and sweaty on a walk. Not long after Bethany left for work, I put Ethan down for his morning nap and Ellie and I took part in some extended craft time. We also got some reading/snuggling time on the couch which is always pretty great.

Once Ethan woke up from his nap around 9:00, it was time to get everyone dressed and loaded up for our little outing. Normally when we go on a stroller ride, it's based around making a trek to a local park. That was partially the goal for today. However, more importantly, we were heading to the Casey's down the street to put air in the stroller's tires. The spring and summer of shifting temperatures had taken their toll on our tires' air pressure so it was no shocker that they were a little flat.

Of course, no trip to Casey's would be complete without a quick stop to see the Humpty Dumpty statue perched on a fence near the gas station. If you care, on this occasion, Humpty was dressed as if he was ready for school. The ensemble was completed by the chalk board, crayons, and pencils adorning the wall beside him. After a quick visit, we headed across the street to Casey's.

When we got there, I wheeled the stroller up next to the air pump, informing Ellie that she was welcome to hop out and watch. All was going well until I took the valve cap off of the tire only to find that the valve stem had retreated inside the structure of the wheel and I was unable to pull it out on my own. With no alternative, I loaded Ellie up and we strolled next door to O'Reilly Auto Parts to borrow a set of needle-nosed pliers to aid me in our task.

Once back at Casey's, it took me no time at all to pull the valve stem to an acceptable height. I then turned on the air pump and placed the nozzle on my tire. Rather than hearing the soothing sound of air filling my tire, I instead heard the unmistakable sound of air leaving my tire. It just so happened that the nozzle on the air pump was broken. Instead of filling up my tire with air, all I did was release the last of what was left in it. Say it with me now; "THAT'S UNFORTUNATE!"

At this point, I knew I had an interesting little adventure ahead. Obviously with a completely flat tire on one side, there was no way Ellie could ride. Instead, she would have to walk over half a mile back to the house. Not only that, but I really didn't want to tear up the wheel and tire on our stroller by driving it with an epically flat tire. Therefore, I had to get creative. While lifting up on the handlebar with my right hand, I had to push down on the left side. Essentially, I was driving the stroller with it slanted at an angle up in the air.

I don't know if you've ever tried to push a three-wheeled stroller for a half mile with only two wheels touching the ground. I can attest that it is no easy feat. Couple that with the fact that Ellie was little to no help and you have the makings of quite a little adventure. Between her attempts to help push the stroller (but really just putting her weight on the handlebars making it harder to push) or her desire to walk in front of the stroller while traveling at an inconsistent pace, it was a pretty long trip home. When it was all said and done, the walk had taken twice the normal amount of time as a result of all of our little rest breaks.

For the record, the stroller's tire is still flat at this time. If I'm being honest, I'll probably forget it's flat until the time comes for us to go on another stroller ride. With the utmost certainly, I can definitely say "That's Unfortunate!" #DaddyWrite

Day 669 - "Road Maps" and (Warehouse Club) Relocations

Anyone else ever struggle to figure out that weird balance of doing what's best for your baby while still maintaining some level of your own sanity? It's definitely a weird thing to figure out. You would really think that after walking this same road with Ellie not even three full years ago that I'd remember the layout so to speak. Unfortunately that's not entirely true as it seems the road has changed in that time frame. 

Honestly, I think part of the issue might be that the day started off on a weird note for Ethan. As a result of him staying up nice and late last night, he may have slept in so long that he missed getting to see his mommy this morning. For the record, that was no fault of Bethany's. She tried everything to wake him outside of shaking him or picking him up. She even poked him in the back while saying his name to no avail. He just slept right through it. When it was all said and done, Ethan didn't decide to start his morning until an hour and a half after Bethany left for work.

For the record, when an infant wakes up for the day and doesn't see their mommy anywhere in sight, confusion tends to reign. Ellie and I had been curled up on the couch reading books together when I first heard Ethan's unmistakable coo. I bounded up the stairs with Ellie following closely behind. Once my sidekick joined me at the door, I opened it a crack and peered in to see Ethan sitting upright in his crib staring at the door. 

On normal occasions, anyone who opens Ethan's door is met by a smile. Today, however, it was more of a head tilt and looking past me to see if there was someone else there. When no other adults appeared, Ethan resigned himself to lifting his arms for me to pick him up and carry him out of his room. I seriously believe that if he could have sighed, he would have.

We headed downstairs where I grabbed the bottle I had waiting for him and took a seat on the couch. Not long after he was done eating, Ethan's intense desire to explore kicked in. After checking out every square inch of our living room, he climbed the stairs to our top floor and explored. Unfortunately for Ethan, there was only so much to interest him and it wasn't long before he was at the edge of the stairs, thinking "I could take those."

Ethan, of course, was completely incapable of taking those stairs. In an odd turn of events though, my intervention (and total saving of his life) went completely unappreciated. In fact, Ethan responded with the antithesis of appreciation as he embarked on his afternoon (and morning) of revenge. Now, I know what you're wondering. "How exactly does an infant embark on an afternoon of revenge?" Simple, there's lots and lots and lots of screaming. So...much...screaming.

He's not currently crying in this picture. However, you can see just how horrible the poor little guy looks.

Try though I might, most of my day revolved around trying to make Ethan happy and failing. I wouldn't let him crawl down the stairs so he screamed. I wouldn't let him knock over the decorative NCAA stones resting on our fireplace so he cried. I wouldn't let him crawl into the bathtub so he cried. In fact, by the time the afternoon was finished, only one thing had made him happy: an all-expenses paid trip to Sam's Club.

I know that it sounds strange that my son, a mere baby of six months, would enjoy a trip to Sam's Club. However, there may have been extenuating circumstances. You see, today marked the very first time Ethan was allowed to ride in the little seat part of a shopping cart. Not only that, but Sam's Club features double shopping carts. That means that Ethan and Ellie were able to ride side-by-side as we cruised through the store. Before I knew it, my second-born was laughing, giggling, and smiling as we picked up our groceries. Unfortunately for me, our fun soon ended and we headed home where I was serenaded once again by the nonstop onslaught of Ethan's crying. 

Oh, those were such happy times...

That brings me back to my initial point. If Ethan is that happy at Sam's Club, even on days that he is sad, does that mean that we should live at Sam's Club now? I don't want to live there. However, they do have mattresses...and food...and diapers. You know, we probably could live there for quite a while if we wanted to.

On second thought, I really don't want to live at Sam's Club. Even if it does mean more screaming awaits. #DaddyWrite

Sam's Club's aforementioned "food"

Day 665 - An Open Door Means an Open Invitation

It is time for me to drop some knowledge. I believe there are four types of people in this world. The first two are introverts and extroverts. I'm quite certain that the majority of people in this country know the difference between the two. That being said, I should probably define the two just to make sure. Introverted people like to be by themselves and extroverted people love to be around others.

As for the other types of people in the world, allow me to introduce you to extroverted introverts and introverted extroverts. Those may or may not be the same thing. For the purposes of this blog post, they're going to be different. Per my definition, extroverted introverts need to be alone most of the time but can handle being around people. Introverted extroverts would likely prefer to be among other people but occasionally require times of solitude to recharge.

As a self-proclaimed introverted extrovert, being a stay-at-home dad does present its challenges. For one, my "party" is limited to an extremely talkative three-year-old and a stair-climbing six-month-old. Yes, that's correct; Ethan knows how to climb stairs. Not all of them at once but he can definitely handle a few.

Back to the point, despite Ellie's best intentions, I do occasionally find myself pining to have a conversation with another adult. That's why when the doorbell rang today, I found myself happily leaping off the floor and bounding to the door to see just who was on the other side. Now, you can imagine the range of emotions coursing through my brain when I opened the door to find a door-to-door salesman on the other side. 

Quick, it's time for a multiple choice test. Did I:

A. Quickly tell him I'm not interested and slam the door in his face

B. Ask him to come back later

C. Politely decline

D. Step outside and engage in a five to ten minute conversation with my new best friend

If you know me at all, then you know the correct answer here was D. Since Ellie and Ethan were happy and calm, I stepped outside onto the porch and joined my new friend, Bo, in conversation. I did however leave the front door open so I could easily keep an eye on my kids through the storm door. 

As Bo proceeded to give me the rundown of all of the new and fancy services Spectrum could offer me, I just stood and nodded, occasionally interjecting with replies when appropriate. Sometime after Bo attempted to convince me to bundle my cell phone plan with a Spectrum internet plan but before he told me it was ok to "borrow" my parents' satellite TV login, I looked down to see an extroverted pair of eyes peeking through the glass door. Ethan had made his way over and was ready and willing to join me in hearing Bo's sales pitch. With that, I picked up my son and proudly held him in my arms as we both proceeded to shower Bo with what was probably a very excessive amount of direct eye-to-eye contact.

An example of Ethan's tremendous aptitude for eye-to-eye contact

Unfortunately for Ethan and I, our fun soon ended with the simple words, "We have Google Fiber's 100 Mbps plan." Once those words exited my mouth, Bo knew deep down that he had been beaten. Regardless, he left a handy, dandy sheet of printer paper with all that we had talked about for me to go over with Bethany. 

Unfortunately for that handy, dandy sheet of printer paper, it's likely destined to become the next victim of Ethan's shredding habit. After all, if there's one thing my son likes more than making a new friend, it's making a mess out of an otherwise nice sheet of paper. #DaddyWrite

I know this doesn't apply at all. However, this caught my eye while closing Giphy. I must ask, "Why?".