Day 217 - You're a Heartbreaker (aka The Playdate)

Be honest with me, is this a weird topic for a blog?

Oh, what's that? You say that I haven't done or said anything yet? I guess it might be helpful if you knew where I was going with before I asked you to tell me if it's a weird topic or not. Ok, here we go.

Everyone has a type. You know, the type of person that you're interested in. Without getting too detailed (or incriminating), I remember I always liked brunettes when I was growing up. So needless to say, I was happy when I ended up with Bethany and her brownish/blondish locks. You know, I was right; this is a weird blog topic. Too late to turn back now so I might as well dive on in. 

You know, it's not just the blog that's weird...

I'm fully aware that if Ellie continues on the path she's on now, she may end up as a heartbreaker. Platinum blonde hair and baby blue eyes are something that a lot of guys go for.  Needless to say, I'm already taking the necessary steps to ensure that I'll at least be the type of dad that can slightly intimidate some of the guys that will come a courtin'. I've even enlisted the help of Ellie's "Uncle" Malachi to train me! That being said, I wasn't expecting to see Ellie already breaking hearts at the tender age of one. Shows how much I know.

One thing that I've learned since being a stay-at-home dad is that play dates seem to be a big thing. Seriously. I really don't know many stay-at-home dads, but I am Facebook friends with a good number of stay-at-home mothers. Therefore, all it takes for me to learn more about being a stay-at-home parent is just a simple browse through my news feed. Now, as a SAHD, I don't really seek out play dates or anything like that for a variety of reasons. Probably the largest is that I view myself as being awkwardly independent and I've got a reputation to keep up (says the daddy blogger who talks about his feelings).

Taking all of that into account, any time we have the opportunity to have Ellie interact with other kids, we try to take advantage of it. Luckily for us, that opportunity presented itself when our old college friends, Brendan and Laura, stopped by on Wednesday evening with their two-year-old son, Matthew, in tow. As they were just killing a little time before picking Brendan's mom up from the airport, we only had a couple of hours to hang. However, it was long enough to see young Matthew get acquainted with Ellie.

The two definitely played together really well. From looking out the window together to playing in Ellie's ball pit to taking turns on Ellie's swing, the two pretty much were inseparable for the better part of an evening. However, all good things must come to an end. Once 7:15ish rolled around, I knew it was time for me to get Ellie her bath so that she could get ready for bed. Side note, I say just me as Bethany was serving at our church's VBS for the week.

Once I had Ellie in the tub, washing her up, it was only a short amount of time before I looked over to see Matthew watching over my shoulder as I bathed her. You know, if he had been older, I may have taken action but I instead just chalked it up to the innocence of a child. Surely he wasn't checking her out, right? Soon enough, Ellie was cleaned, dressed, and was ready to be put to bed. So with a touch of milk and a couple of pacifiers, I put my daughter down for the night and headed downstairs to rejoin my friends.

Imagine my surprise when I reached the living room and saw Matthew with tears running down his face. It seemed that he had certainly become attached to his little play date over the previous couple of hours and couldn't imagine being separated from her. Either that or he was just really tired and wanted to sleep himself (It's probably that one). 

Legitimately curious, is that official ASL? Someone let me know...

So, as you can see, Ellie is indeed breaking hearts at the tender age of one. If she's already driving men (or boys) to tears at this point in her life, I can only imagine what I'm in for as she gets older. Good thing Malachi is going to teach me everything he knows about being a man. I may just need it. #DaddyWrite

Ed. note: There's obviously a fair amount of tongue-in-cheek to this article. No offense meant to Brendan, Laura, or Matthew (Not that they would likely ever take any). :)

Day 215 - Cut them on Tuesday...

When I was growing up, pets were a constant and an inconstant. In other words, we always had them around, but they inevitably didn't last too long. It wasn't from abuse or neglect or anything like that in case you're worried (don't sic PETA on me). It was more just a by-product of living on a road, that despite being in the country, saw an abundance of travel. Needless to say, we had our fair share of saying goodbye to pets. I still remember the time my parents sat me down at the kitchen table to tell me the news of poor Pepper's demise. My response: "Guess we need to get another doggie." Of course, it wasn't just dogs around the house. 

PETA's Elite Police Force...

My parents eventually decided we might have better luck keeping cats alive so the time came to get me a kitty. Our first cat, Smokey, rode home on the bottom of my mom's car. He was a nice cat even if he did smell of exhaust fumes, hence the name. Since he was just a garage cat, it was only a matter of time until he got out. When that happened, it didn't take long at all for Smokey to reach his final resting place, flattened and spread eagle on the side of a bale of hay. 

You know, it's just what Smokey would have wanted...

At this point, you're probably trying to figure out why I'm sharing stories of my pets meeting their demise. For the record, I did leave out the epic stories of Dog Dog, Joker, Coco, Ace, Whiskers, and Ginger. I'm on a little pet kick right now because I found myself thinking about all of the care that went into owning one, especially cats. You have to feed and water them, change litter boxes, and keep them cleaned and well-groomed. 

If I'm being honest, there's one part of cat care I hated more than anything else: trimming claws. It was essentially a two-person job with one person holding the cat and three of its limbs in place while another cuts the claws on the remaining paw. It inevitably would end with the cat essentially cursing you out before finally sulking off to pee on your pillow or something for your transgression. This all came up because I found myself thinking about my least favorite part of Ellie-care. That being trimming her nails.

I'm talking about the shift in topics from pets to Ellie, of course.

I'm not exactly sure how it happens so quickly, but Ellie's nails grow at a ridiculous pace. Seriously, it feels like three days after they're trimmed, her nails are approaching goblin status all over again. While this might not seem like a big issue, the fact that Ellie hates having her nails trimmed make it difficult. I can't really speak from experience since Bethany hasn't allowed me to cut Ellie's nails after I drew blood the first time I tried. However, that doesn't mean I haven't studied what occurs.

Bethany will first sit Ellie down in her lap and present the nail clippers to Ellie as an initial peace offering. Ellie will then turn the clippers over and over in her hands, studying them as one would study a can of food without a label. Once she appears to be satisfied, Bethany takes the clippers back, puts her arm around Ellie, and holds her tightly while attempting to cut her nails. I say attempting because Ellie inevitably starts wiggling as soon as her mother makes the first snip. Before I know it, Ellie is screaming and kicking violently until Bethany finally has to let her go. With that, Ellie will usually snatch the fingernail clippers from Bethany's hand in an attempt to hide them where they will never resurface.

We've even tried the two-person method to get this task done. All that does though is make the baby angrier. I can't say I blame her though as I probably wouldn't like being forcibly held in place while my nails are finally manicured. We've even tried using books, toys, milk, and food as distractions to get Ellie's nails trimmed to no avail. Normally after about one nail, she's done with it and ready to fight, bite, claw, and scratch until she finally gets loose. And well, our arms can only take so much until they're done taking abuse.

At least there is a consolation to this whole thing. With cats, we absolutely had to trim the claws or else they would curve into its paw pads. Ellie's fingernails won't do that though. If anything, they'll just grow super long and curly like that guy in the Guinness Book of World Records. 

When that happens, then I can actively say I am a proud father of a Guinness World Record holder. And well, that'd be pretty cool! Right? #DaddyWrite

On second thought, ewww.

Day 214 - Systematic Solving of Problematic Couch-Based Scenarios

One of my favorite things about being married to Bethany is how we have similar, but ultimately different personalities. I feel like she really does (for some reason) appreciate my sardonic and irrelevant sense of humor. She even takes part in it from time-to-time. I guess I really have corrupted her in some fashion. 

There are differences though. For example, I'm more of a words guy while Bethany tends to gravitate towards numbers. It's not that I don't understand numbers though; it's just that I don't really care for them. Another area in which we differ is in our ability to problem solve. I feel like my wife certainly has more natural ability to problem solve. Fortunately for Ellie, that's something she has inherited from Bethany.

Since Ellie first started crawling, she's continually wanted to raise the bar for herself. First it was crawling (obviously). Then, she decided it was time to climb up the stairs (and tumble down accordingly). Soon enough, she mastered going down the stairs correctly. Now, she's trying to figure out the whole standing and walking thing. In the meantime though, she decided to learn to crawl on and off of our couches at will. The couch in our basement provides no challenge for little Ellie as it's a short enough height that she can easily get on and off it whenever she wants. The real challenge for Ellie lies with our upstairs couch.

We want to raise the bar, not raise the roof...

Please don't be too disappointed, but I'm not going to grab a tape measurer and give you the exact height discrepancy between the two couches. You'll just have to take my word for it that Ellie struggles with pulling herself up onto our upstairs couch. Another factor is that said couch is notoriously slick due to the leather(?) finish. I know this because I've seen Ellie desperately cling to our t-shirts in an attempt to pull herself up onto the sofa beside us on more than one occasion. Seriously, the girl's got some mad pull up skills. That being said, there has always been an issue when she wants to get on the couch and neither of us are on it. That may no longer be the case though as I witnessed tonight.

It was no shocker this evening when Ellie crawled over to the couch and pulled herself up to a stand. Also not a surprise to see her try in vain to pull herself up onto the couch. The bigger surprise was watching the little wheels turn in her head after her failure. 

Instead of giving up, she inched her way down to the head of the couch and the two throw pillows residing there. Reaching up, she simultaneously dragged both pillows off of the couch and onto the floor before nonchalantly tossing one aside. Then, ensuring that the remaining pillow was in an acceptable position, Ellie pulled herself to stand, placed one foot onto the pillow, and proceeded to push herself onto the couch. She proudly smiled at me as she sat down on the cushion, leaning against the rear of the couch, and proceeded to happily clap for her accomplishment.

I'm certainly happy to see Ellie problem solving at such a young age. Just knowing that she already has the ability to get herself in and out of any pickles that may arise makes me feel good about her chances in this world. 

That being said, I feel like I need to apologize in advance for my daughter's weird sense of humor because it definitely came from me. If she happens to slap you in the face and laughs hysterically, please don't be offended. It's probably somehow my fault. #DaddyWrite

Day 212 - Babbling Babies and the Trek for Tacos

One of the feelings that I remember most leading up to Ellie's birth is nervousness. Now, obviously I was nervous for the 18 years of child-rearing that I knew lay ahead. That's not really the nervousness I'm talking about though. No, instead I was much more nervous for how I thought my life would have to change. You see, I'm a relatively independent person. I've always enjoyed going on little mini adventures, chasing weird obsessions, and basically doing what I want (within reason of course). 

So, when Ellie was born and I began staying at home with her, I was 100% convinced that I was going to have to grow up and mature. Basically, I believed it was called a stay-at-home dad for a reason. Shows how much or how little I know. If I'm being truthful, all that has changed is that I now have my own little sidekick to go on all of these random adventures with. Now, whether she enjoys it or not is up to your interpretation.

Today was really a day absolutely chock-full of little adventures for Ellie and me. It started off with us playing taxi for my sister-in-law, Nicole. You see, Nicole was heading to Higginsville to catch a ride to a wedding near Lake Michigan. If you were wondering (or are bad at geography like me), Lake Michigan is indeed near the state of Michigan. Nicole and I have actually been friends for a long time so it's always fun to spend a little time hanging out and catching up. However, I didn't actually realize just how much Ellie would want to be involved in the conversation.

You see, it's become normal for me to talk to Ellie whenever the two of us are on a car ride. I figure it's good for her development to hear semi-complete sentences and also to just have her daddy be interested in her existence. I mean, it's not like she's an inanimate object or anything like that. So, as a result, Ellie now expects to be engaged in riveting conversation anytime she's in the car. Basically the entire trip, Ellie babbled more than a brook (#DadJoke). However, the best part of her babbling is that she's getting super close to saying "Dada". In fact, she has been making a "Dada" sound. However, I think it's questionable that she even knows what she's saying because, well, because she's a baby.

Ellie's future response to #DadJokes

Now, I realize that my hook for this blog post dealt with my minor obsessions and forcing my sweet daughter to accompany me on all sorts of bunny tracks. Today, the ultimate bunny track appeared for the taking. You see, for quite some time, I've had an affinity for Taco John's. Many a Tuesday night in college was spent leaving campus to fill my stomach with some sweet taco goodness. Now, I find myself without a Taco John's nearby to satisfy my cravings leading the chain to ascend to near-legendary status in my mind.

Keeping all of that in mind, you can imagine my shock and surprise when I saw a billboard advertising Taco John's in Odessa. As soon as I saw those nine letters, nothing was going to keep me from stopping. So with baby in tow, we headed into Odessa, found the restaurant, picked up the order via drive-thru, and headed towards town to find a nice place to park. Once I did so, I happily partook of my meal while Ellie sat in the back seat confused by her father's apparent excitement.

Clearly, Ellie finds this just as riveting as I.

Once I finished my meal, I decided rather than backtracking to the interstate the way I had come, I would just find my own way. Unfortunately I didn't realize just how much of an undertaking that would be. For starters, Ellie's navigational skills leave much to be desired. Not only did she not know true north, she also failed to read any of the road signs when we passed them. We eventually ended up not on the interstate, but beside it. In fact, we drove alongside the interstate for nearly twenty miles before find a place to hop back on. Unfortunately for us, Ellie's navigational shortcomings had led us right into a traffic jam created by road construction. It was there that we came to a complete stop and Ellie's rousing conversation changed from mere small talk to something more akin to "Are we there yet?". 

By the time we finally exited the traffic jam and resumed normal speed, Ellie had been fussing in her boredom for quite some time. Luckily for me, the answer for all that ailed sweet Ellie was a little speed. In fact, she even resumed the cute babbling that I've come to love and adore as opposed to the loud fussiness I've come to disdain.

I guess though I need to learn the lesson of listening to Ellie in both good and bad situations early. It shouldn't be too bad doing so as long as she remembers to put up with my weird obsessions in return. Because as everyone knows, "There's a whole lot of Mexican going on, going on at Taco John's." #DaddyWrite

We've all discussed it; it's time for a Taco John's Intervention...