Day 177 - Escape Attempts and Women's Socks

I've long known that my daughter likes to move. Even before she was born, she basically spent all day and night kicking her mother. Poor Bethany may even have a dent in her liver after those nine months. It makes sense though. I spend  90% of my life being fidgety and not wanting to sit still. Seriously, I wish I could count just how many times I've accidentally stabbed myself with a screwdriver because I told myself it's a good toy. That could be where Ellie gets her penchant for playing with anything and everything. Anyway, I go into this because Ellie's endless desire to move knows no boundaries and it almost landed her in some trouble today.

So John Travolta walked into a Target...(Stop me if you've heard this one)

One of my responsibilities that I've taken on with the whole stay-at-home dad thing is to ensure that Ellie has adequate diapers and wipes on hand. As you can probably guess, I neglected to keep a good count on how many diapers remained. As a result, we started running a little thin today. And by a little thin, I mean we had about three diapers remaining. Once Ellie woke up from her nap this afternoon, it was definitely necessary for us to make a quick Target run to stock up.

Contrary to all male programming, I actually enjoy shopping. Not enough to do so every single day but it's fun every now and then. That's especially true if I'm going somewhere like Target. If it's just the grocery store or anything else along those lines, I'm nowhere near as excited. Lucky for me, Ellie enjoys it as well. She especially likes riding in the cart so that she can see people as well as all of her surroundings. 

After entering Target and finding ourselves in the diaper aisle (after the obligatory detours through electronics and board games), I found myself with an important decision to make. That decision being if it was time to bump Ellie up to size 3 in diapers or to leave her in a size 2 for one more box. Finally, I decided to go with the size 3 to make certain she had plenty of room to keep growing. After tossing a box of wipes in our cart with the diaper box, Ellie and I continued on our quest. 

I should restate my earlier sentence about Ellie liking to ride in the cart. She does enjoy doing so until items are placed inside it. Then her natural nosiness kicks in (I think that comes from her mother) and she turns her little torso side-to-side attempting to see whatever it is. I have never viewed this as an issue since I keep her buckled in. I guess there's a first time for everything though.

Before we could leave Target, Ellie and I needed to head by the women's sock section to pick up some new work socks for Bethany. If you're a guy, this is a pretty academic task. You're basically just picking the color and calling it good. Apparently women have it slightly more difficult. Not only are all of the colors in play, women also have to deal with questions of length. In case you're wondering, the length apparently ranges from the size of a bunny's paw to the length of a giraffe's leg and everything in between. 

As I stood there, totally overwhelmed by everything in front of me, I heard a straining noise behind me. Ellie had completely spun herself around in the cart to face the boxes. Not only that, but she was pawing at them, frantically trying to escape her predicament. As I placed my hands around her tiny waist to pull her back towards the front of the cart, she dug in her tiny fingernails in an attempt to hold her ground. Unfortunately for her, Daddy is significantly stronger. I placed her back in the seat and cinched up the belt to ensure she would not escape again.

After being witness to Ellie's prowess at escaping, I find myself wondering just how much it will improve as she ages. Not only will her larger size inevitably be of assistance but her increased mental prowess will help as well. The moral of the story is that I need to keep my eye on her. Unless I'm overwhelmed by the ladies' sock section at Target. Then it's all I can do to avoid turning into a shaking, quivering mass rocking back and forth while singing "This Old Man".  #DaddyWrite

This Old Man, He played two, He played knick-knack on my shoes **CRYING**

Day 175 - Camel Linguistics 101

I fancy myself many things. I believe I have a moderate degree of intelligence. I keep myself in decent shape. I'll never win (or run) a marathon but I'm not going to keel over after running for six minutes. I think I am **gasp** a perfectly average looking man. You know, not too ugly or anything. Believe it or not, I even believe that I might be a little good at this writing thing. At least that's what people tell me. In addition to all of these things, I consider myself to be an expert people watcher. If you're not familiar with the term, it is the act of spending time idly observing people in a public place (Thanks Google!). If I'm trying to figure out a great public place to people watch, then one of the best I can think of is the zoo!

No, not Mizzou, THE ZOO!

If you haven't picked up on where I'm heading with this yet, first of all, shame on you. Second of all, Ellie and I decided to take advantage of the nice weather (and an otherwise empty day) to head to the Kansas City Zoo. I'd actually been promising to take Ellie to the zoo for quite a while now but it kept falling through due to weather or other circumstances. Even though Ellie likely didn't realize I had promised her, I still felt bad about not following through. Therefore, after Ellie finished her lunch today, I loaded her up in the car to head to the zoo. 

As we approached Swope Park, I felt the anticipation growing deep within my stomach. You see, I absolutely love the zoo. Animals are kind of a passion for me. It's really a shame that I got a 'D' in biology in college or maybe I could be working at a zoo right now. At least I can partly blame that grade on the concussion I received shortly the night before one of the biggest tests in that class. That knowledge helps slightly. 

As we pulled into the zoo, I glanced in the rearview mirror and was dismayed to find Ellie asleep in her car seat. I've always heard to let sleeping babies lie and had every intention of following through with that lesson. So there I sat in the front seat, logged on to the zoo's free wifi, tweeting/facebooking my lack of patience for my daughter's nap schedule to the world. Finally after 45 minutes, Ellie began to stir briefly. Taking this as my opening, I rolled up the windows, grabbed her stroller out of the cargo bay, and pulled my still-yawning baby from her car seat to head inside for some quality zoo time.

I'm so close to getting in the zoo...

The one negative of such a warm day at the zoo is that the animals are pretty much all lethargic. Truth be told, a lethargic orangutan barely holds my attention so why should I expect it to hold Ellie's. With that being the case, I found myself briefly more interested in paying attention to those around me. For example, the husband and wife who were rooting for the Yankees and Royals specifically. I mean, that's basically the same thing as a union between a Cowboys and Chiefs fan. I believe that those two crazy kids can make it work though. I mean, I Believe In A Thing Called Love after all.

As we meandered on through the zoo, Ellie and I reached the camels who were one of the few outdoor animals being active. Taking Ellie out of her stroller, I thrust her on top of my shoulders, allowing her to see the camels from a better vantage point. Under normal circumstances, I will talk to Ellie about what she's seeing. At the time though, there was a foursome coming down the walkway so I held my tongue. Imagine my surprise when one guy out of the group stops not five feet away from us and begins yelling at the camel in what I can only assume was some form of Arabic. Finally one of his friends said a sentence I'll never forget. "Muhammed, you idiot! That's an American camel. He only speaks American." With that, Muhammed, with frustration etched across his face, hurried to catch up with his friends, puffing on his raspberry (or cherry) Vape pen all the way.

When I regaled my wife with this tale, she described it as the greatest story she'd ever heard. I think that's mildly overselling it but it is pretty good compared to the other stories from the day of Ellie relentlessly trying to touch a chimpanzee's butt through glass or the one where I lost one of her socks and found said sock sitting in a pile of leaves next to the Sky-Tram. See, those stories wouldn't have been that interesting at all. 

For Ellie's sake, I don't want to admit how long she stared at this chimp's rear end...

At least I don't think they would have been. What do I know anyway? I'm just a people-watcher. #DaddyWrite

Day 174 - Baby's First Baseball Game

It's no shocker to anyone who knows Ellie that she can be slightly unhinged at times. Therefore, I tend to worry slightly whenever we're dragging her into a unfamiliar situation. Two questions in particular flash through my mind. "Is she going to be a good baby?" or "Will she come off her rocker?" These questions were definitely going through my mind on Saturday as Bethany and I prepared to share another first with Ellie; her first Royals game. Now, obviously this was a momentous occasion since our baby girl and the Royals are forever linked because #math. Therefore, I wanted to have a really fun and enjoyable experience rather than one where I would remember Ellie having a meltdown.

Don't tell me you're actually doing the math...

Among the great perks that Bethany enjoy about DFA is that the company pays for employees and their families to attend a Royals game each year for "DFA Day at the 'K'". I personally have a great time at this event. Not only do I get to watch my team play, but I get to mingle with some of Bethany's co-workers and partake in some Jack Stack BBQ to boot. With first pitch of the game occurring at 6:15 pm, we finally found our way out of the house around 4:15. We wanted plenty of time to relax at the tailgate before finding our seats in left field. After a quick stop, we reached our destination a little before 5:00. 

If you've been to the Truman Sports Complex before, then you realize that it's very common to have a hike on your hands to get from your car to the stadium. As squirmy as Ellie is these days, rather than carrying her in our arms, I promptly put her on top of my shoulders and led her on a one-baby parade across the parking lots. Normally when she's on my shoulders, Ellie is quick to grab my hair, ears, mouth, nose, eyelids, Adam's apple  or anything else available to try and steady herself. Not out of fear but more because it's a fun game to her. On this occasion, she was so enamored by everything around her in the parking lot that she didn't even think twice about grabbing anything. Instead, her little head caustically flipped from side-to-side being certain to take in every sight.

Ellie did do her fair share of mimicking this motion. She IS a Royal baby...

We reached the tailgate area and sat down to partake in some BBQ briefly before heading into Kauffman for the game. We knew that we wanted to go inside early so that we could pick up the special  certificate that the organization gives out to first time guests (not for us but for Ellie). What happened next genuinely shocked me. Saturday night was Danny Duffy Bobblehead Night with something like the first 15,000 fans getting one. Normally these are very coveted and go quickly. That was not the case on Saturday night with Bethany and I each receiving one. Imagine our surprise when the giveaway guy then hands us a third one specifically for Ellie. I know that will likely be occupying a place of honor in her room for years to come if I have anything to say about it.

I knew for a fact that Ellie would be just fine before the game but wasn't certain what would happen once it started. In fact, my soul goal was to just make it through three innings with her. I knew it would be going long past her bedtime but I also was worried she would get bored or the noise would bother her. It turned out that all of my fears were in vain. Ellie didn't just make it through three innings, she made it to the eighth. She only reacted negatively once and that was due to being scared when the crowd reacted to a big play. Otherwise she had a great time as she alternated between playing peek-a-boo with everyone around us and attempting to eat her Danny Duffy Bobblehead (and yes, I must say the whole thing). I also put her on my shoulder in between each inning and goofily danced along with the ballpark music playing. Not only did she love it, but the people around us enjoyed it as well even if they were slightly concerned about her being too small to be on my shoulders.

Not our seats...

To top off a perfect experience at the ballpark, the Royals won 4 to 3 over the Orioles! I'm already stoked to take Ellie to her next baseball game although I'm not sure when it will occur. In fact, I really think it'd be awesome to follow through on my dream of seeing a game with Ellie in every major league ballpark at some point. Let's face it though. She'll probably end up hating baseball if for no other reason than to troll me. It would fit her nature. #DaddyWrite

This picture makes me super happy!

Day 172 - The One Where the Baby's Beating Me

So I've found myself wondering something lately. Specifically, I'm wondering if there's a difference in how fathers relate to their daughter versus how they would relate to their sons. Now obviously, both genders are different. At least that's what my seventh grade science teacher taught me. And I'm relatively certain she wouldn't lie. My question is at what point do fathers begin to treat their daughters like daughters and their sons like sons. I'm asking because I'm beginning to wonder if I need to change how I interact and play with Ellie based upon how she responds in kind.

Too bad Ron Burgundy didn't teach me seventh grade science...

For example, my favorite way to play with Ellie is roughhousing. Make certain that you're not taking that the wrong way. I am NOT punching or kicking the baby so don't call child services. If you did, Bethany would be extremely unhappy. No, I'm more just treating her as one would a little boy. At least I'm guessing that's the case. I'm tossing her up in the air. I'm rolling her around on the floor when she's trying to crawl. I'm making her into a small package. I've even been known to tickle her until the laughs come. From the abundance of people I meet when out and about with Ellie, I get the impression that I'm instead supposed to treat her as a fragile china doll. Put her up on a tall shelf, dust her occasionally, but otherwise just sit and look at her.

Not all china dolls belong on a shelf. Some instead belong in a box buried in the corner of the basement. Meet Stephen.

Honestly, a part of me is curious on if I'm ruining my daughter with rough play. I say this because she's kind of turning into a bully. A daily experience for me is having Ellie crawl over to pull, grab hold of my shirt collar and pull herself to a stand. Then the punishment begins! First, she'll open up her little right hand and begin to slap my face. It's probably supposed to be more of an affectionate pat but it certainly doesn't feel like it; she's stronger than you think.

Once she loses interest in that, next on the list is to go for my nose. Her favorite nose pulling method actually reminds me of a bull with a ring in its nose being pulled by a rope. She will fishhook her index and middle fingers into my nostrils and tug with all of her might. I can't be certain, but I think she's actually poked my brain on more than one occasion when doing this. When we're past nose pulling, then she goes for the most tender area of my face; the eyes. I don't know if it's the natural squishiness or what but she just likes trying to blind me as much as possible. Joke's on her though as she'll have a daddy with deeply diminished vision to take care of in his old age someday.

Approximately the same amount of glee Ellie shows after each slap.

While I'm a glutton for punishment and don't really care if Ellie's attacking me, I worry slightly about people her own age. If she treats other babies in this manner then it's only a matter of time until she become Baby Enemy Number One. I figure I don't need to make a decision for a while on whether to change how I play with Ellie. She's only a baby right now and is still developing into who she's going to be. 

Now please excuse me while I ice my face, try to mold my nose back into the appropriate shape, and clean my safety glasses in anticipation of another day of child rearing. #DaddyWrite