Day 1,112 - "Bye, Ellie."

Hi, I'm Jesse.

1,112 days ago (according to the infallible #DaddyWrite timekeeping rules), I began my new career in earnest as a stay-at-home parent. At the time, I had no idea what I was in for. Early on, it was evident there would be plenty of screaming (from both dad and daughter) and lots of poop (mostly from daughter). As time went on though, I definitely got into more of a groove and actually became pretty decent as this whole stay-at-home parent thing. 

It seems appropriate that the picture on the left is from the first-ever #DaddyWrite post.

 

Today though, I definitely reached the clear end of a chapter in the #DaddyWrite book. Hmm, think anyone would pay me to publish that book? Where was I? Oh yes, today marked the end of a chapter as Ellie officially started Kindergarten. I'd be lying if I said I don't have feelings about it. It's actually a really weird set of emotions. I'm unbelievably proud of the person my little girl has turned out to be. She's loving, kind, and wise. She's also got an adventurous side to her, is stubborn as a mule, and has a mischievous streak a mile wide. Overall though, she is one of the most determined people I have ever met and I know she can do anything she sets her mind to. Look out, world; Ellie's coming through! 

As I look back on this morning, it's undeniable that tears were spilled by yours truly on multiple occasions. The first time was when I was packing Ellie's water bottle and snack into her backpack. The second came when I pulled her onto my lap in the brown rocking chair in the kids' room and held her tight while she put her socks on. The third came in the drop-off line as we prayed together, something we did before every single day of preschool and K2K this summer. The fourth and final was as I pulled away from the school knowing that Ellie was just fine without me.

As I write this, it's 2:30 in the afternoon and the next hour and a half cannot go fast enough. I miss my buddy and can't wait to talk to her and hear about her day. I hope she's already made new friends and has bravely flown her own flag. This morning, I reminded her that she is special and I don't want her to ever feel like she has to change who she is for anyone. Most of all though, I told her that I love her and I am proud of her. Just watching her face light up at those simple words was enough to bring me unspeakable joy AND start the tears all over again. Crazy how that works, right?

My job isn't changing anytime soon as Ethan's not quite ready to stay by himself yet. However, it's obvious that things are going to be different in the short-term and the long-term. For one thing, I know now that my time with Ellie is going  to be a lot more precious than before as there's going to be a lot less of it. For another, today was a reminder that I need to enjoy the next couple of years that I have with Ethan before he starts preschool as it will undoubtedly go fast.

Picking up right where his sister left off...

Five years ago, I ended a blog post with the following comment.

"BTW, I really wanted to call this blog #MissingMommy.  Apparently that's the name of a bereavement book for helping kids deal with the loss of their mother.  Not applicable in this case even if young Ellie is indeed #MissingMommy."

Today, I think it's appropriate for me to end this blog post by saying that yes, I am indeed #MissingEllie.

#DaddyWrite