Who's ready for yet another #DaddyWrite confession time?
Raise your hand if you've ever found yourself guilty of
being a mooch.
Truth be told, every single reader should really be
raising their hand. If you're not, then you're perfect, you're lying, or
you're just not into raising hands just because some guy with a blog asks you
to.
Speaking for myself, I know I'm a mooch. Look
no further than the fact that it took me approximately three years of mooching
Netflix off of Bethany's college roommate, Alison, before I finally broke down
and paid for my own subscription. That's not the only instance though. I've also
been guilty of mooching cable TV access via the internet off of both my parents
and my brother-in-law from time-to-time (side note: World Cup coverage counts
as time-to-time, right?). There's also a history of me using my sister-in-law's
Amazon Prime account for the sake of free shipping.
The nice thing about mooching is that it works in reverse
too. For example, Bethany's brother has free reign to use our Netflix password
whenever he wants. Also of note, especially as it pertains to this blog post,
is that Bethany's and my Sam's Club membership is also fair game for being
mooched. In fact, one of those Sam's Club mooching experiences led to what some
may qualify as an embarrassing experience on the Sam's run Ellie and I went on
today.
With my sister-in-law in charge of feeding dinner to
approximately 70 kids during her church's art camp, she decided (rightfully so)
that the easiest way to get the necessary supplies was via my Sam's membership.
Well, not only my Sam's membership, but me as well. Therefore, with Friday
actually being a wide-open afternoon for Ellie and I, we hopped in
the RAV and headed to Sam's to procure the goods.
Now, I feel it important to remind you of my startling
ineptitude for math. And yes, I am still aware of the fine irony in saying so
considering I spent eight years in the financial industry. There is a
difference though as in the financial industry, I had a little tool at my
disposal called Excel. At Sam's, I found myself having to figure out exactly
how many pieces of bread, slices of turkey and cheese, grapes, and bananas it
would take to feed each child.
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| #MATH |
What's that? Why yes, I did have to use my fingers multiple
times to keep track of numbers in my head. I am proud to say though that I was
able to leave my shoes on as I didn't need my toes in order to get an accurate count!
Although, it goes without saying that there was more recounts going on than the
state of Florida in 2000. And yes, I am aware of how much that
reference dates me.
I should say Ellie was perfect most of the time while I was
painstakingly doing elementary math. However, the keyword there is 'most'. As we wandered through the store, we
eventually stumbled across a sight that Ellie had never seen before: a service
dog.
Now I should specify that this was actually an emotional support animal. I don't know if that makes any kind of difference or not but I
just want to be as accurate as possible for the sake of posterity.
True to form, it didn't take Ellie long to begin yelling
"Hi, doggie!" at the top of her tiny lungs in the direction of the
support animal and her slightly embarrassed owner. As patrons all over Sam's
Club began to turn their heads in our general direction, I saw the poor woman
attempt to make herself as small as possible. Imagine a turtle retreating
inside its shell at the first sight of a predator and you have a decent idea of
what was happening.
After about the fifth instance of Ellie yelling "Hi,
doggie", our new friend and her canine companion began heading towards the
exits as fast as their six legs could carry them (Hey, I just did more math!).
Unfortunately for our friend, we were heading in that same direction meaning
Ellie could continue her raucous calls of "Hi, doggie" for at least a
few more aisles.
Before you think me cruel, please understand that I was
indeed finished with my shopping trip and was actually heading towards the check-out
lines. In hindsight, I realize I should have distracted
my daughter with something else interesting at that moment. After all, as
everyone knows, bulk-sized containers of Tide Pods are always exciting (Just
kidding).
The moral of the story is simple. *deep breath** Never go to Sam's Club without
having a firm handle on how to solve simple sandwich-based equations or else
your toddler daughter will relentlessly harass a human and their emotional
support animal simply because said emotional support animal is a canine.
**exhale** #DaddyWrite
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| Good life lesson, Daddy! |
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