Day 60 - Best laid plans of "rice" and men...

Quotes are always fun.  You know why?  Because once somebody says something, then it's out there for all eternity.  You can't take it back at all.  Regardless of how much you would like to do so.  Literally one of my very first experiences with a college roommate consisted of us making awkward small talk at dinner one night and me deciding to impart wisdom.  That wisdom being, "Hey Ryan, did you know that horses are made out of glue?"  And once that one little inane sentence was out of my mouth, there was no getting it back.  Fortunately, it only made Ryan think I was slightly stupid.  Either that or really tired.  I was a sophomore in college on move-in weekend.  Of course I was tired.

Another quote that I really enjoy is "Plans are made to be broken."  Now, I have no clue who actually coined this phrase.  I mean, I can just make up a name and attribute it to them.  Tom Selleck.  See, that's who I've chosen to associate with this in my mind.  Either him or Winston Churchill.  Clearly, it works for either.  I feel like this quote is actually something that I have to live by these days.  No matter what plans I lay out for a day, odds are that Ellie will decide to follow her own plans.  Today, that's exactly what she decided to do. 

After getting Ellie laid down for her morning nap, I decided to take stock of the things that I knew needed to be done this week.  Some were relatively inconsequential and could be done at any time.  You know, cleaning the bathroom vanity, putting Drano down the sink, doing the dishes, etc.  None of these were a rush situation.  We did have one really pressing item though; buying food.  Bethany and I really prefer to make our own meals most nights instead of eating out.  Not only is it healthier but we're also blessed with leftovers which means no PB&J for lunch the next day.  The problem is that we have become somewhat lackadaisical about buying groceries when we should.  That means that we eventually run low on food and resort to eating pots of rice for dinner.  I guess if nothing else, it allows us to pretend that we're on Survivor.  So, while Ellie was asleep, I chose to study the grocery ads and make a shopping list with the intention of going after Ellie ate her lunch around 10:30.

Never send Jeff Probst to buy your groceries.  He'll spend all of your money on rice and beans...

Low and behold, 10:30 would come and go, soon to be followed by 11:00.  Finally at 11:30, Ellie awoke from her slumber with a screech.  Luckily I had been prepared for this very moment for quite some time.  Springing into action, I bounded down the stairs to seize Ellie from her swing so that I might feed her a bottle.  Once she had eaten her fill, I changed her into an outfit for the day and we headed to the kitchen.  I then decided to heat up some leftover pizza before we left (I know, I just went on a whole eating out rant).  

While eating my lunch, I noticed Ellie beginning to get fussy in her bouncy seat.  I finally picked my daughter up, sitting her on my lap, only to be met by more intense screaming.  As I tried offering her a pacifier, Sophie the Giraffe, and bouncing her upon my knee, I quickly realized I was getting nowhere.  Finally, I resorted to putting Ellie in her swing and turning it on hoping she would calm down quickly and we could go.  What I was not prepared for was Ellie falling asleep almost immediately even though she had only been awake for 40 minutes.  

With that, I began to wait and wait and wait some more.  Finally Ellie awoke.  As I turned to look at the clock, what do I see but 3:40.  Ellie had actually just slept for another four-plus hours.  In fact, she literally slept for all but two hours of the entire time I was home alone with her.  I then realized that I should probably change my well laid-out plans and just wait for Bethany to get home to go shopping.  You win Ellie; you always do.  #DaddyWrite

Day 59 - I don't have an ankle bracelet, I swear...

Ever heard of the movie, 'Disturbia'?  It's got Shia LaBeouf, happened around the same time that he was swinging across CGI jungles on CGI vines with honest to goodness CGI monkeys as Indiana Jones' sidekick.  Shia plays this high school kid on house arrest.  He basically spends his days and evenings peeping out his bedroom window with binoculars just to entertain himself until one day he realizes that one of his neighbors is a serial killer.  Then, it's basically him just trying to get the evidence that his suspicion is real and no one will believe him and you probably can figure out the rest of the plot from here.  Well, I've actually been feeling a little like this lately.  The house arrest part, I mean.  Not the binoculars/serial killer part.  That's just creepy.  I guess maybe Neal Caffrey on 'White Collar' would a better analogy.  No one finds him creepy.  Charming and debonair, yes.  Wiley and resourceful, yes.  But not creepy.

I've got to figure the hat flip out in time for Bethany's work Christmas party...

Anyway, there's one thing in particular that has led to me feeling this way and I'm almost 100% positive that you can guess.  That's right, it's Ellie.  Sweet, adorable, little Ellie (I actually mean that and am not just being sarcastic).  While I love my daughter to death and would do just about anything for her, today has been trying to say the least.  Basically the number one reason is that Ellie is refusing sleep.  Beginning this morning at 5:30 am, she's been awake for all but about two hours since then.  Those two hours weren't exactly full of consistent, quality sleep for her either.  The struggle for me with Ellie trying to sleep is that I actually feel like I'm on house arrest.  Only in lieu of an anklet that alarms the police if I step outside of my radius, I instead have a screaming baby that goes off if I make too much noise.  

Let's play "Would You Rather?"

I know what you're thinking right now, faithful reader.  You're thinking, "What constitutes too much noise?"  Never fear because I'll tell you.  Whenever I'm walking down the steps to our basement living area where Ellie likes to nap, as soon as I hit the third step, an inevitable creak sounds.  Ellie, no matter how well I thought she was sleeping, will immediately spin her head in the direction of the sound with both eyes opening wide.  The sound of the microwave timer going off alerting me that my lunch is warm also is too much noise.  Me flushing a toilet and washing my hands after using the restroom?  Too much noise.  The guy who rang my doorbell and left before I could get there?  Too much noise.  Basically anything that is not me breathing or sitting perfectly still today has awoken her from her slumber.  

So, your next question likely is, "So is Jesse mad about this?"  I'll be the first to admit that I'm slightly irritated but I'm not mad at her.  It's not really her fault that she's not sleeping soundly.  I just want to know how to help her.  I find myself wishing that Bethany was here to take a shift but I also know that's not really a possibility.  Not only is she the bread winner for our family but she actively loves her job.  Those being the primary reasons why I'm the one staying home with Ellie instead of Bethany.  Even on the rough days, I'm glad that I'm able to serve both of the women in my life in this fashion.  

The nice part is that if I need to get away from the screaming for a little bit, there's one simple option; putting on my classiest suit and fedora, stepping out on my deck with a pair of binoculars, and looking for serial killers.  #DaddyWrite

No Shia. I said 'fedora', not 'paper bag'

Day 58 - Sock It to Me, Baby!

There is one thing in particular about having a baby around that continues to surprise me day in and day out.  No, it's not how many diapers she goes through.  No, it's not how loudly she can scream (although it's pretty impressive).  No, it's not her desire to shove anything and everything inside her gaping mouth-hole.  And no, it's not her insatiable desire to completely soak every stitch of clothing on her body with her own drool.  The thing that shocks me is just how much stuff an eleven pound baby can accumulate.  If I'm talking just the bare necessities (the simple bear necessities?), I have a pretty long list of stuff that I can come up with.

• ·         A crib
• ·         A changing table
• ·         A place to put her clothes
• ·         A stroller
• ·         A car seat
• ·         A high chair
• ·         A swing (You just try and tell me that's not essential!)
• ·         Clothes
• ·         Diapers
• ·         Blankets

Honestly, that's just the stuff that she's actually using at this point in time.  That's not even getting into the stuff that she's going to break into as she continues to grow and develop.  I actually am beginning to think that one of the best ways in the world to make a living has to be to come up with baby-related paraphernalia.  If you can think it up and market it, you'll probably stand to make some money.  If you watch 'Shark Tank', there's a baby-related product being pitched nearly every week.

For the final time, none of us are giving you any money...

Now that you've had to sit through my mini rant, there is one item in particular that is probably a must have, but I'm having trouble understanding for the life of me.  That item is socks.  Yes, socks.  The soft cotton sleeve that you wear over your foot as a protective barrier between your skin and your shoe?  Ok, just making sure you knew what it was.  Now, for adults, I'm not disputing the validity of the sock in everyday life.  Otherwise, we'd likely be living a life full of blisters and extreme foot odor.  For babies and infants in particular, the sock seems to ultimately be an exercise in futility, even if baby socks are very, very cute.  Allow me to share with you my experiences with Ellie and socks.

Each morning as the time comes to get Ellie dressed, I will pull her outfit for the day out of the middle drawer.  Beginning with her top half, I pull her shirt down over the top of her head, careful not to hurt her nose as I do so.  Then I begin the arduous task of guiding her arms through the sleeves and out the other end.  Not necessarily fun as I'm on a time crunch while doing so.  If it takes too long, screaming will commence.  No one wants that.  Especially if I don't have my ear plugs in yet.  After the sleeves are on, I then snap the onesie into place on her bottom half and enter 'Phase 2'.  'Phase 2' pretty much is what I like to call pants.  This is arguably more difficult than the sleeves.  If I could just manage to magically put both of her legs in at once then I would have no issue.  The problem is that I haven't figured out a way to not have to put pants on one leg at a time.  Often by the time I've inserted one of her legs and start on the other one, the original leg has completely exited the pants.  So once the "pants dance" is completed, it's time to move onto socks.

Now socks are important for Ellie, otherwise her feet get really cold.  They're also not really difficult to put on.  It basically is me holding her ankle in place and shoving the sock on.  There we go; not hard.  The problem lies in what happens after the sock is on.  Ellie loves to wiggle and squirm so much that the sock is removed very quickly.  I've actually timed the "lifetime" of one of her socks at two minutes before.  The girl just cannot stand socks.  Don't know if all babies fight this issue or if it's just mine but it is definitely a struggle.  I've even considered using painters' tape to make sure that they remain on her feet.  Now you know the fact that I automatically didn't say duct tape means I really have put thought into this because duct tape would clearly leave a sticky residue on her ankles.  No one wants that.  #DaddyWrite

Note to self. Don't let a cat teach Ellie how to wear socks...

Day 57 - Drum Lessons for Infants

I find Ellie's little personality to be fascinating as she continues to develop.  No, I'm actually being serious here.  It really is cool to see her likes and dislikes becoming more prevalent as she grows.  For example, she's even showing favoritism between Bethany and I based upon her mood at the time.  I can calm Ellie down to a point when she's upset, but once she hits that point, all bets are off.  Odds are very strong that she will have to pursue one of two courses; either cry until Bethany gets home or cry until she's so exhausted she falls asleep.  Now, don't take that the wrong way.  I do attempt to calm her down but it can be hit or miss if it actually works or not.  

If "The Oprah" can't calm my baby, perhaps no one can...

When Ellie is feeling like being goofy and playful, I feel like I'm the favored parent.  That's probably a good thing since I have such a playful nature.  :)  In fact, I feel like I get to see Ellie's playful nature for at least a little bit each day.  Today, I was even able to combine it with her natural curiosity for all things around her.  There comes a time each day where I feel like I need to accomplish some tasks for the day.  You know, so when Bethany gets home, I can point to something and say, "Look what I've achieved."  It's even better when I can point to something that's not watching Netflix or writing a half-baked blog entry.  

A pretty accurate depiction of me blogging...

Anyway, today as I was working about the house, Ellie woke up from her afternoon nap.  Rather than ending my chores, I decided instead to share them with her.  I know what you're thinking.  The answer is no.  No, I did not try to pass off my chores to Ellie like Tom Sawyer making his friends whitewash his aunt's fence.  That being said, I may attempt something of the sort when Ellie gets older.  I've got to work smarter, not harder!  Instead, I just picked her up and continued about my tasks, being certain to describe what I was doing in detail just so she could hear my voice.  

When it came time to put the dishes away, I decided that I wanted to gauge Ellie's reaction to something.  Taking a large pot and a wooden spoon out of the dish drainer, I turned the pot upside down on our counter, took the spoon in my left hand and began to rat-a-tat-tat out a little tune on the pot.  Musical expertise aside, Ellie was very intrigued by the sound coming from the pot and even began to squeal in delight as I belted out the chorus to 'Bang the Drum All Day'.  Obviously a classic song for Ellie to learn if there ever was.

I really look forward to seeing more of Ellie's personality emerge as she continues to age.  I'm already taking stock in my head of what characteristics I'd like to see emerge in her that are clearly from her mom, as well as the characteristics that would come from me.  Now, obviously, she probably shouldn't get too many from me.  No one really wants another version of me running around.  #DaddyWrite