Day 153 - Experience This! (Haec Facio!)

One of my favorite things about the stay-at-home dad gig is having brand new experiences that thrust me out of my comfort zone. Coincidently, one of my least favorite things about the stay-at-home dad gig is having brand new experiences that thrust me out of my comfort zone. It's weird how things work out that way, right? On one hand, it's great to have new experiences that help me to grow and further round me as a human being. On the other hand, it's horrible to have new experiences that help me to grow and further round me as a human being. As I always (by always, I mean never) say, "vita est ita". 

Could have gone with a random 'Modern Family' gif I found about latin. However, I don't know anything about 'Modern Family'. Hence no 'Modern Family' gif...

Today was one of those interesting days that stretch me that I'm referring to. I should set the stage first. The first two days of this week have certainly been intense exercises in patience. As Ellie is growing, maturing, and getting ever closer to driving, she's beginning to assert her independence in dramatic fashion. One way she chooses to do so is via the absolute refusal to even consider a morning nap. Now, I personally enjoy the beauty of the morning nap. It gives me time to either veg, get things done around the house, get writing done, or take a nap myself. And yes, I am willing to admit the first and fourth items on that list are relatively unproductive activities.

Today, I decided that enough was enough. I was getting that morning nap out of Ellie for reasons that are twofold. Numero uno being I'm her dad and I know what's best for her (legitimate). Numero dos being I'm her dad and I just really, really want her to take her nap. So I patiently embarked on my easy 10-step method to infant-napping success. Guess what; it's a list!

Adult me wants to know how the Sultan didn't know Jafar was evil. He's the only guy in Agrabah wearing black!

1. Read Ellie a couple of nice books (the kind about snuggly puppies and animals exercising on the deck of a ship)
2. Incase her in a sleep sack being careful to seal it tight
3. Plug her mouth with a pacifier and put a spare in her tiny little fists
4. Lay her in her crib.
5. Exit her room and listen to cries for 15 minutes
6. Re-enter the room and hold her for 15 minutes as she pounds my sternum relentlessly via punches and headbutts
7. Repeat steps 3 through 5
8. Repeat step 6
9. Repeat step 4 and 5
10. Breathe an epic sigh of relief as the crying ceases and I bask in the warm glow of victory

Following all of that, I was actually in for a pretty normal day until late this afternoon. As Ellie was running low on diapers, I took the opportunity to load her up and make an afternoon trip to Target to procure some. While there, I came across some fancy Easter dresses (for Ellie, not me) and began to browse. See my mom had given me some money earmarked for a nice Easter dress and some shoes for Ellie. And while it certainly would have been easier (and more fun for me) to have just purchased a Blu-Ray copy of 'Rogue One', the mature thing to do was to buy Ellie a nice dress and shoes.

So with that, I began perusing the dresses looking for the perfect one. Despite the fact that Ellie was in the cart with me, I inevitably received strange looks from everyone who walked by. Probably because rifling through pastel Easter dresses for infants is never going to be found on a list of manly activities. Or at least not one that I've seen. Finally, unable to decide, I snapped pictures of the two finalists and texted to Bethany for her input. Luckily, we matched on our favorite so it was time to head out. With diapers in the cart and a dress hanging from the handle, I proudly proceeded to the checkout to procure my purchase (try saying that five times fast).

I even bought blue shoes to match and everything! Yay for color coordination!

As the checkout lady was scanning items, she proceeded to tell Ellie just how cute she was going to look in her Easter dress. When Ellie failed to answer (as she is prone to doing), the lady then shared kind works with me. "Look at you just picking out a dress for your daughter all by yourself. Isn't that nice?" 

Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out if that was a compliment or if it was an insult. For the time being, I think I've settled on back-handed compliment. "Vita vero sic" indeed. #DaddyWrite

It's not too late to return the dress...

Day 150 - A Short, Sweet Post with a Short, Sweet Story

I'm not here to lie. I am just here to regale you with true-to-life adventures in child-rearing. Ok, I will occasionally embellish facts for the sake of humor. However, those embellishments are simply meant to add to the story, not to detract. Ok, maybe it occasionally detracts. Don't worry, the basis of said-story still remains the same. I say this because every so often I stumble across a nice little moment on an otherwise uneventful day. I could easily spend 500 words running through the entire day interlaced with humorous observations just to get to my nice little highlight hidden within. Today, I'd rather just share my nice little story with you and call it good. :)

I will give you a little bit of background information just to set the stage, but I'm going to do it in a list format. Ta-da!

• Ellie napped in her room for an hour, woke up screaming, ended up sleeping on my chest (with me trapped underneath) until approximately 10:15.
• Fed Ellie a bottle.
• Grabbed a quick shower, shut Ellie inside the bathroom with me so that the steam would hopefully clear out her stuffy nose (FYI, it worked).
• Loaded Ellie up in the car to go out.
• Met Malachi at Chick-Fil-A for lunch. I ate chicken. It was good.
• Headed to OfficeMax to get the rest of Bethany's printing for the baby shower completed, check-out girl from Tuesday gushed over Ellie again, Ellie smiled accordingly giving poor check-out girl baby fever (check-out girl is getting married in June, good for check-out girl).

At this point, Bethany and I were texting back and forth only for Bethany to come up with a proposition. Simply put, that proposition was asking if I would bring Ellie to Bethany's work to see her mother. Now, even though it was clearly cutting into my oh-so-busy list of errands, I wasn't going to turn down the mother of my child. With that, I turned west on Barry Road, drove approximately 2,000 feet, switched lanes three times, and turned north onto I-29 to head to DFA.

Once we arrived, I removed my happily smiling baby from her car seat and carried her inside the building. When inside, I called Bethany and asked her to come down and escort us upstairs. While waiting, Ellie was looking around the lobby taking everything in. She was especially perplexed by the five-foot tall glass of milk in the lobby, as am I (Art?). Once the elevator with Bethany arrived, I walked forward into the elevator with Ellie looking backwards over my shoulder.

The human body was not made to consume this much bovine juice.

Here's where it gets interesting. I immediately passed the baby into her mother's arms. However, Ellie was still looking at me as she hadn't even noticed Bethany yet. After looking at me confused, Ellie finally turned her head to see her mother standing there. Ellie's face was first overcome by stunned confusion as she attempted to comprehend what she was seeing. Ellie's face then burst into an ear-to-ear grin as she began shaking with excitement. She let out a happy shriek and buried her face deep inside her mother's shoulder. Finally Ellie peeked back out to make sure Bethany was still there and began touching her mother's face over and over again to make certain it wasn't a mirage.

I absolutely love seeing little moments like this. Not only because Ellie and Bethany were both so happy. I love it because it helps break up the occasional feelings of monotony I feel as a "SAHD". Feelings that are especially prevalent on cold/rainy weeks such as this.

Ok, I must apologize; I lied. This blog up to this point was 611 words long. That's definitely more than 500. Might have something to do with my handy-dandy list format clocking in at 123 words. I'm long-winded, what else can I say? Thank you for your time. #DaddyWrite

No, that's still a lie.

Day 149 - How to Train Your Baby

I'm probably the type of person who should really have a pet. Something to love and show affection to.. I'd totally be the type of pet owner that would spoil it. Treats, new toys, a nice collar. I probably wouldn't even buy them Ol' Roy or whatever the Walmart brand of cat food is. Not saying I'd go Purina but I'd find something decent. I can imagine the absolute excitement that I'd feel whenever hypothetical Rover the dog or Frisky the cat learned a new trick. Alas, I don't have a pet right now so I'll just have to settle for being excited when Ellie learns a new trick. Fortunately for me, that seems to happen nearly each day.

If you're wondering, apparently the brand name is 'Special Kitty'.

Honestly when Bethany left for work this morning, I was mildly nervous. You see, Ellie had been up most of the night crying. Bethany dealt with her for most of the night before finally passing her off to me around 3:30. I think Bethany may have been concerned for Ellie's continued safety if the baby stayed with her mommy any longer. Luckily for me, YouTube is a good place to find infant hypnotization videos. Or as you may know it, fish swimming to instrumental music. Twenty minutes in and Ellie was down for the count. 

Ellie was nothing but a dream baby throughout the day. She ate her meals just as she was supposed to. Napped according to her schedule. Perhaps most importantly, she played crazy hard. Between all of the stair climbing, hide and seek, and opening and closing an old shoe box, she was having a terrific time. In fact, she was so good that I decided to take her out of the house for the afternoon. Now, I realize that a fair number of Ellie's days probably sound similar so just stay with me for a minute.

My parents were in town for the afternoon so I went and met them at Sam's Club so that I could stock up on some needed groceries. Per the new protocol, I lovingly placed Ellie into the top of the shopping cart and tightened up the seat belt to help her stay in place. With that, my dad took control of the cart happily pushing Ellie throughout the store. At least I assumed that was the plan. The first time we stopped moving, I glanced behind me to see my dad lifting Ellie up into his arms to carry her around. Say it with me; awwww.

 Even though Ellie was safe and sound in my dad's arms, she still wanted to know that I was watching her. Every so often, I would glance over and catch her gazing right back at me. As a reuslt, I decided to take the opportunity to work on a little trick I'd been teaching her. I really want Ellie to be a people person as I'm convinced it totally makes life easier. Therefore, I've been attempting to teach Ellie how to wave at people with little to no success up to this point. At least I believed that had been the case. When I waved at Ellie, she met me with a huge grin, lifted her little arm and flopped it up and down, all while laughing hysterically.

Of course, like any person would, when you teach something a new trick, you're bound to run it into the ground. As my dad carried Ellie lovingly around the store, I would inevitably peek around an endcap to see the two of them lumbering by. As soon as Ellie would meet my gaze, I'd smile and wave at her. Each and every time, she would respond in kind and add a big laugh to boot. By the end of the trip, my dad was laughing so hard at Ellie's new trick that he was almost crying.

Largely reminiscent of Ellie's waving...

Now, I was really disappointed that Bethany hadn't gotten to be present for Ellie's wave-a-thon. However, I assumed that Ellie would keep on doing her new trick when her mommy got home. I may have been mistaken about that though. After multiple attempts, the closest I would get to a wave was one floppy hand wave accompanied by an utter lack of enthusiasm. That's what I get for not recording it earlier. 

And thus, I found the primary difference between a pet and a baby; it's much easier to keep your pet engaged with tricks. The baby will invariably get bored and move on. Yep, definitely time for me to get a pet. #DaddyWrite

Day 148 - Proper Prognosticating Should Be Rewarded

As you may or may not remember, March Madness has been here. I'm not exactly certain how you wouldn't at least be a little aware even if you dislike basketball. Statistics say that 100% of all Americans fill out a bracket. And by statistics, I mean I have no statistical evidence to back up that claim. Even if you didn't fill out a bracket, I'm certain CBS, TBS, TNT, and the other network that no one remembers reminded you every six minutes. 

At least they admit it too...

With this year marking Ellie's first March alive, I saw fit to challenge her to the first annual Daddy-Daughter Bracket Challenge. Or as you may remember it, Bethany didn't want to take part and said maybe the baby would. So with that, a very scientific method was hatched in which Ellie chose her winners via pacifier proxies resulting in the Dayton Flyers as her illustrious champion. With Monday night marking the end of the road, it's time to see just how Ellie fared.

As you can see, it ended pretty much how one would expect a bracket chosen by an infant randomly picking up a pacifier to end. Her champion was eliminated in the first round but on a positive note, she did correctly pick 25% of the Final Four. There was also one final bright note for Ellie's bracket. You see, once Bethany saw the amount of fun that I was having with the Daddy-Daughter Bracket Challenge, she decided to turn it into a Daddy-Daughter-Mommy Bracket Challenge and fill out her own bracket. By the time everything was said and done, I had finished first, Ellie second, and poor Bethany falling far behind in third. Even if Ellie couldn't overcome her daddy, she at least beat her mommy in her very first bracket pool.

Obviously, I was very proud of this epic win. It's not every day that a man can proudly proclaim his prognosticating superiority over his infant daughter. Therefore, it was pertinent that I celebrate. So celebrate I would. I received an offer for a free six-pack of Chick-Fil-A nuggets today so around 3:00, Ellie and I decided to head out to obtain my nuggets and a Cherry Coke to boot as a nice afternoon snack. As the ever-professional father figure that I am, I didn't even brag to Ellie once that "Only winners get chicken". 

Hey, I never said the cow wouldn't brag...

As I finished off my snack, Ellie and I headed to OfficeMax for our final stop before heading home. Bethany is helping with a baby shower on Sunday so left me with a short list of things I could do to help her prepare; one of which was to have the games for the party printed. Even though it's still easier to just carry Ellie into a store in her car seat, I've started taking her out of the car seat and instead let her ride in the cart since she's big enough to sit upright. She absolutely loves doing so because it allows her to really see everything around her. 

Another thing that she really likes about riding in the cart is that she has an easier time interacting with people around her. For the most part, people are more than willing to do so since Ellie's really cute and everything. Today would not be one of those days for poor Ellie though. 

You see, we were to be waited on by the queen of personality, DeeDee. And yes, I do mean that sarcastically. Despite repeated smiles from Ellie, DeeDee's stern facade could not be broken through. Finally Ellie resorted to babbling relentlessly at DeeDee in an attempt to gain even a simple "Hello". Still nothing for poor Ellie though. The time finally came for us to leave the store which brought Ellie's mission to an unsuccessful end. Fortunately for Ellie, a cashier flagged us down on our way out of the store proclaiming that Ellie was the cutest baby ever and even returned Ellie's ever-present smile. 

You see, bracketology and persistent attempts at garnering smiles are very similar. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Unless you're playing Daddy in a Bracket Challenge that is. Then you'll never win.  #DaddyWrite