Day 1,389 - Hard Lessons to Learn

FYI, this might be rambling and a little bit long but it's ultimately a cathartic exercise. I guess what I'm saying is READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

I really haven't been wanting to write this blog. If I'm being completely honest, it's been really difficult to blog at all lately. I'm not entirely sure of the reason. It just feels like there are seasons that can get people down and they find themselves in a hole that's difficult to scratch and claw out of. I think this has been one of those seasons though.

I'm honestly not even certain when it began. For whatever reason, over the past month, I feel like I've found myself wanting to spend less time with the kids and more time doing whatever selfish thing seems more appealing to me at the time. When I'm asked to play, the answer increasingly became "in a few minutes". Sometimes though, I wouldn't even sugarcoat it. It would simply be "I don't want to right now." Maybe there's those occasional times when Ethan is telling me a story about something really important to him and rather than engage him like he deserves, he instead gets a "Uh-huh", a "That's nice", or a "Ok". Awful, just awful, right?

The weirdest thing about this attitude is that despite my knowledge of it, I feel like I haven't necessarily wanted to take steps to combat it. Instead, it's just been easier to maintain socially distant instead of giving Ellie and Ethan the attention and affection they deserve. When describing it to some friends recently, one of the best ways I could find to describe it was that I'm present but not really present.

I wish I knew what has brought feelings like this on. I don't know if it's a delayed reaction to Ellie going back to school or if it's something else. I have been struggling with the idea lately of Ethan starting preschool next fall and kindergarten the year after that. I know that's going to bring about a huge change in my life from the way everything has been the last six years. Maybe a part of me thinks isolating is the safest way to protect myself now. I really don't know.

One thing that has been reassuring to me though is that despite my best interests to isolate, Ellie and Ethan continue to seek me out. Rather than give up on me, they continue to chase after my attention and my affection. Therefore, I've been striving to do a better job of giving that to them. Maybe it means less time with my phone in my hand and more time with it sitting unused on the kitchen counter. Maybe it means having more intentional conversations with Ellie when the opportunity presents itself. Maybe it means using my days to teach Ethan things and interact with him rather than let him just play on his own.

I think with Ethan, I definitely feel guilty at times. I definitely have not done as well by him as I did with Ellie at the same stage. When she was his age, I had a "daily schedule" full of "classes" that I would keep during the day to ensure "optimum development". I had dedicated blocks of time that I would use for number work, letter recognition, some handwriting practice, art time, and of course, freeplay. With Ethan, those occurrences have been less staged and therefore fewer and farther between. Thankfully, he's not behind but I definitely feel bad about it.

Since this is apparently just a blog full of non-coherent ramblings with nary a legitimate, cohesive thought to be had, I might as well comment on this too. With Ellie, I've honestly been struggling with how to talk to her lately. Yes, I realize that she's my daughter and a conversation should be simple. However, I'm not sure of the reason why that is the case. Maybe it's the way she gets in the car each day after school and doesn't want to talk about her day at all. Whatever the reason, I know it's definitely something I want to fix and not something I want to persist.

What's nice is that occasionally I get a nice reminder of what it looks like to be a family and to have people at least pretend to be passionate about the things that excite us. In some cases, it's even legitimate excitement! A nice example of this occurred yesterday as we watched the NASCAR Cup Championship Race. A season that begins each year in February reaches it end each year in November with four drivers engaged in a winner-take-all shootout for a title. While I've been a fan for a long time, Bethany and the kids have mostly just put up with my enjoyment of NASCAR. This year though, that all changed.

Around April, the kids were casually watching a race with me and were asking questions about some of the drivers. Well, for some reason, I proceeded to tell them about how the current leader of that race, Ross Chastain, spikes a watermelon into the ground when he wins a race. From that moment on, they were hooked on Ross and cheered relentlessly as he circled the track. On that day, he won his first race, spiked that watermelon, and gained two new fans for life in Ellie and Ethan. While they don't religiously follow the races (none of us do; there's just too many), they do want to know how Ross finishes each week.

After perhaps the craziest thing I've ever seen in 20-plus years of watching racing, Ross qualified for the Championship 4 and raced for a title yesterday afternoon. During the final 50 laps, all four of us sat side-by-side on the couch cheering for Chastain's every move. Ultimately, he came up just a little bit short. However, in his interviews afterwards, Ross gave an awesome example of what it looks like to be a graceful loser and just conveyed joy for the whole experience.

Later that evening, Ellie found herself lamenting Ross's loss and stated how unfair it was that her favorite didn't win. However, that blessed me with an awesome opportunity to discuss how things often don't seem fair or right in the world but how there's a right way and a wrong way to handle those occurrences. We can either let it get us down or we can be thankful for the opportunity that we've been given and the experience we got to have.

Honestly, that lesson isn't just something for Ellie to remember. It's something that I can stand to remember as well. Even during those times I find myself in a so-called hole, it's all the more important for me to fight my way out as I know I have people who love me on the other side who only want to have a relationship with me. That's honestly all Ellie and Ethan ask and I don't think that's asking too much, do you?

Day 1,373 - Astronomy, Movies, and Snack Walks Aplenty

Fall is here. If I'm being honest, it's probably one of my least favorite times of the year. While the changing of the leaves is an inarguably beautiful sight for the eyes to behold, my allergies feel much, much differently. It always begins simply enough. A few sneezes here and there. The occasional sniffle and eye rub. Before I know what's happening, I end up battling a full-fledged cold. Not cool. Worse yet, Ethan's experiencing the exact same thing and it's definitely got the little man down.

However, that being said, we did have happier fall days before these colds reared their ugly heads. In fact, look no further than back to Monday which was the final day of Ellie's fall break from school. We had a pretty awesome few days leading up to Monday complete with trips to Fun Run, The Rush Funplex, and Pumpkins Etc. all occurring on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. With Monday marking the last day before Ellie headed back to school, I figured that we should probably just spend the day at home rather than doing anything big. Therefore, that's exactly what we did.

A few minutes after Bethany left for work, we got a phone call that we needed to go outside and look at the moon. If there's something you need to know about my kids, it's that they absolutely adore the moon. After a quick step out onto the driveway, I decided to ask them if they would like me to set up the telescope so they could see the moon up close. After an enthusiastic "YES!", we all ran inside and got dressed before heading back out to the driveway to check out the moon.

Despite the fact that daylight was rapidly coming, it didn't ruin our fun any as the full moon was very visible until it disappeared behind a streetlight. Honestly, it's a blast to look through the telescope with the kids. They are enthralled by seeing it up close. Ellie even took great care to describe everything about the moon to us later that night including her belief that there were astronauts up there. Not quite right but that's ok.

After we finished up with our impromptu astronomy party, we headed back inside to play games and read books for a while until the kids got bored with those activities. When that moment happened, I had a fun answer ready to go. I had been planning on letting the kids watch a movie on the projector in order to really celebrate Ellie's day off school. When that time came, I fully expected Ellie to ask for some kind of Disney movie or "Paddington." Imagine my surprise when she asked to watch the film adaptation of "The Boxcar Children: Surprise Island." While that might seem a little random, it's really not. She's been reading the book to Bethany and really wanted to watch the movie version again. Luckily, we were able to find it available on Peacock for our viewing pleasure.

Once we finished the movie, it was time for lunch and quiet times before our afternoon plans could commence. Truth be told, I was really excited about our afternoon plans. I've written many a time about the Humpty Dumpty statue that sits on a wall about a half mile away from our house. With the weather being nice, I figured it was a perfect day to take a walk to visit Humpty. Once we got there, the kids were stoked to find that he had a jar of fun-sized Skittles sitting next to him which we helped ourselves to. However, I had one more surprise in store for Ellie and Ethan.

Upon leaving Humpty, we walked to the corner where Ellie and Ethan began to turn left just like we do when it's time to head home. Instead of following them, I pressed a button on a crosswalk and stood at the light waiting to cross. Despite their confusion, the kids happily followed me across the street and into the Casey's General Store parking lot where the last part of my surprise came into view. Together, we went into the store and browsed for the perfect treat to enjoy together. Finally, we settled on a big root beer and a pair of Rice Krispie treats. Once we paid for our feast, we headed out to the curb behind the store and sat, happily enjoying our treat together.

As we headed back home, I made conversation with Ellie by asking her if she enjoyed her day off school. To my great joy, she proceeded to reiterate every great thing that we had done (as if I wasn't there for all of them!). Ethan, for his part, did the exact same. I have to say that I love creating special memories with Ellie and Ethan and a big part of that is allowing myself to spoil them now and then. #DaddyWrite

Day 1,364 - Ethan and Cat: Board Game Buddies

Calvin and Hobbes.

R2-D2 and C-3PO.

Snoopy and Woodstock.

No one is going to dispute that these are some of the most iconic duos of all time. However, I think any list of iconic duos would be incomplete without including Ethan and Cat.

You're right, Han. I'm sorry I didn't include you and Chewie.

Ethan and Cat have been nigh inseparable since Ellie gifted it to him back in the day when Ethan first learned to say "Cat".  They have been constant companions and do practically everything together. At least that was the case until a few weeks ago when Cat mysteriously vanished. Try though we might, we couldn't find Cat. Therefore, there was a stretch of nights when Ethan was forced to go to sleep without his best friend laying beside him. Despite the presence of Spidey, Uncle Ryan Bear, and Leon the lion, there was still a void in his heart that could only be filled by Cat. Therefore, you can imagine his joy when the day came that we finally found Cat stuffed underneath our bed. No idea how or why he got there but it doesn't really matter. Ethan finally had his best friend back.

One of our earliest pictures of Ethan and Cat. He's so white and fluffy!

Like all best friends, Ethan and Cat love to do everything together. They eat snacks, go on car rides, play board games. What, you want me to rewind for a minute? That's right, Ethan and his stuffed cat play board games together. I realize now that probably does sound a little confusing. After all, in what world could a stuffed animal play board games with a human child? Apparently this one.

It started simply enough. Ethan absolutely loves playing board games. However, there are definitely those times when no one can play one with him at that exact moment. For the most part he takes that in stride. One day last week, after I finished the project I was working on, I went looking for Ethan so that I could play Yahtzee Jr. with him just like I promised. When I wandered closer to his room, I heard the unmistakable sound of dice rattling. With that, I quietly peered around the door frame to see what was happening.

The first thing I saw was the Yahtzee Jr. board game spread out on the floor with two sets of player tokens set out. My initial thought was that Ethan had gone ahead and set up the game board and was waiting patiently for me. Then I noticed that the board looked to be in mid-game. The next thing really gave away what was happening though. Ethan put the five dice in the cup and then carefully situated the cup between Cat's paws. Then he "helped" Cat shake the dice and play through Cat's turn. The two actually played through the entire game of Yahtzee Jr. before I joined them for another round. Yes, you read that right; I played a three-person game of Yahtzee Jr. with Ethan and Cat.

Since that day, it's become quite common for Cat to join us when playing board games. Bethany has even gotten the opportunity to play both Candy Land and Yahtzee with Cat. The one bad thing about playing with Cat is that sometimes Ethan and Cat get confused about who's turn it is. Also, and this is just dumb luck, I haven't actually won a board game since Cat joined in the fun. Although, for the record, Ethan hasn't either.

I guess what I'm saying is that Cat is really, really good at board games. Who knew? #DaddyWrite

Day 1,357 - Ethan's First (Real) Visit to the Dentist

I'm the type of person who likes to find one specific doctor, dentist, ophthalmologist or podiatrist and then stick with them until their inevitable retirement date. To me, I don't think that's asking too much. I've come to learn that insurance companies often times feel differently necessitating that change occurs. For adults who have become set in their ways, this can definitely be a little hard. For children, like Ethan, it's barely even a blip on the radar.

BLIP, not Blippi

I'm guessing that open makes it pretty obvious but yesterday marked our first visit to a new dentist which was necessitated by our previous dentist dropping our insurance. It's ok though. Change isn't always a bad thing. Plus, it allowed us to do a college style hat dance where we sat behind a table with caps featuring the logos of each dental office on it while we made our choice. There were brief fake outs and everything leading up to the moment when we finally plopped a hat with the words "Garrison Family Dental" on top of our heads. Ok, so that last part never actually happened but it would have been pretty fun.

After dropping Ellie off at school yesterday, Ethan and I drove up to Smithville for our biannual dentist exam. Actually, this wasn't just a biannual exam for Ethan; it was his very first REAL appointment at the dentist. Sure, he's sat in the chair before and allowed the dental hygienist to count his teeth, but he's never actually had a full cleaning and exam before yesterday.

As Ethan's never had a REAL appointment before, we decided that it would be best for him to watch me sit through my exam first and then he would go second. To help the time go more quickly for the little man, my new hygienist turned on Nickelodeon where Ethan was elated to see the Paw Patrol saving Adventure Bay. As my cleaning went along though, Ethan found himself less drawn to the TV and more drawn to what was happening to his dad in the big chair. He proceeded to wander over right next to my arm and affectionately patted it while my teeth were being cleaned. Finally, after a quick consult with the dentist, it was time for Ethan to hop up in the big chair for his exam.

The first thing that the hygienist did was show Ethan each of the tools she would be working with and let him touch and feel anything he was curious about. From there, the chair was reclined, and Ethan's dentist visit commenced. There were a couple of times that I saw his eyes darting around a bit nervously during the cleaning but ultimately everything went swimmingly. I'm sure if you were to ask Ethan his opinions on the dentist, he would regale you with epic tales of how his teeth were brushed with strawberry toothpaste and how the lady painted something (fluoride) that tasted like bubble gum on his mouth. He might even tell you of how he got two prizes for being such a great patient.

However, there is one thing I'm absolutely certain he would share; that being the story of how he got to choose his very own Spider-Man toothbrush from the big drawer of toothbrushes hidden in the cabinet next to the big chair. I've honestly never seen him so excited to brush his teeth in his entire life. Let's hope that keeps up. After all, he doesn't want cavities that he has to get fixed like me. I won't even have Ethan with me to give me emotional support.

 #DaddyWrite

Day 1,344 - Captain America Goes to the Hardware Store

I am not above bribery.

There, I said it. I know that many a parent has claimed to have a code that they will not break...ever. I know that early on, it feels like one can keep that promise to themselves. That they will never give in. I'm here to tell you that eventually that moment will come when you are willing to bribe your kid to make your own life easier. Actually, on second thought, I prefer the term "incentivize". Sounds less harsh than bribery.

Recently, Bethany and I reached the point where we had to incentivize Ethan in order to finally get him to poop in the toilet instead of waiting for naptime when he could just go in his pull-up. The rule was that when he received ten stickers on his poop chart, then we would take him shopping for a toy of his choosing. Oddly enough, once that first successful bowel movement occurred, it didn't take him any time at all to fill out his chart.

When the time came for Ethan to pick out his reward, he and I headed to Five Below to begin our search for the perfect reward. While I figured we would eventually have to go to Target or something of that ilk, it didn't take Ethan long to decide on the perfect reward: a Captain America costume. Luckily for us, this costume was even one that he could put on all by himself.

Decision, decision, decision.

Over the past few weeks, Ethan has spent many an hour cosplaying as Captain America and fighting evil all over our house. Of course, there was one slight thing missing from his ensemble: Captain America's iconic red, white, and blue shield. Therefore, this morning, I set out to rectify that. Armed with a plastic Spider-Man ring, the lid from our animal cracker jug, and a print-out of Captain America's shield, I got to work. By the time I was done, Ethan now had a shield of his very own to proudly brandish when fighting imaginary Nazis.

Ethan loves pretending to be Captain America so much that it's been pretty much impossible to just keep the costume at home. For example, it hasn't been out of the ordinary for him to wear it to school when dropping Ellie off or picking her up. However, he has recently decided to up the ante of where he wears the costume. Over the past couple of weeks, he now is a firm believer that he needs to wear his costume to the hardware store.

It started simply enough last week when we made a quick trip to Ace Hardware to get, you guessed it, hardware. Since we couldn't find exactly what we wanted there, we had to make our way to Lowe's. In both stores, Ethan paraded around, proudly sporting his Captain America costume. My favorite moment of our Lowe's trip had to be when an employee thought she heard me telling Ethan that we needed to find the bathroom. In reality, we were looking for bathroom hardware. Her response was that "Even Superheroes have to stop fighting crime and use the potty from time-to-time!"

While I assumed wearing the Captain America costume to the hardware store was a one-time thing, Ethan certainly proved me wrong today. First, Ethan again wore his costume to school to drop Ellie off. From there, we were going to go to Smithville for storytime. However, we had about an hour to kill before storytime began. Therefore, we made our way to Menards so that I could price some things for a proposed home project of mine. Ethan asked innocently if he could go into the hardware store dressed as Captain America. My proposal was that he could as long as his shield stayed in the car. Therefore, I once again found myself wandering the aisles of a hardware store with a superhero by my side.

It actually is pretty fun to go to the hardware store with a superhero. For one thing, everyone is sure to smile when they see Ethan traversing the aisles.  More importantly, he'll only be a kid once. If he wants to go to the hardware store dressed as a superhero, it's not like it hurts anyone. In fact, I'd bet that he brings joy to pretty much anyone he meets. That's a pretty cool thing if I say so myself.

#DaddyWrite

Day 1,338 - The One Where Ellie Goes to First Grade

Happy Fall Y'all!

Actually, I realize that it's not fall yet but it kind of feels like it could be. That probably has something to do with the fact that Ellie is now back in school. If I'm being honest, that makes me a little sad to know that my summer with my buddy is over. While I didn't cry like last year, I still struggled with leaving Ellie there just since I wasn't really ready for her to go back. That being said, I did receive a nice little surprise this year that I didn't get last year.

On the first day of school, students have the opportunity to have their parents accompany them into the building for their first day. When I first asked Ellie on Sunday night and again on Monday morning, she was "much too cool" to have her dad and brother escort her to her classroom. By the way, those are my words, not hers. Of course, as everyone knows, the words of a six-year-old are made to be broken. As we drove past the building and saw the legion of parents accompanying their kids into Fox Hill Elementary, Ellie began to have a little remorse about her decision to not have Ethan and me take her into the building. Finally, she spoke up and asked if we could take her in. So, that's exactly what we did.

As we made our way from our parking spot one block over, it was fun to watch Ellie skip down the sidewalk in pure excitement to be heading back to school. Of course, she was still dealing with a little trepidation over going back to school. That wasn't going to stop her from still having fun though! Finally, we made our way inside the building where Ellie told us that she was "going to lead the way to the classroom". She did exactly that and before we knew it, she was giving both her brother and me massive hugs before sending us on our way. On my last glance back, I was pleased to see her gleefully hugging long-lost friends and saying "Hi" to the new people she didn't yet know.

As Ethan and I made our way out of Fox Hill Elementary, there was only one thing left for us to do with our day: head to Chick-Fil-A for our yearly first day of school breakfast. This has actually been something that we have done consistently since Ellie started preschool. On her first day, we go to CFA and share a breakfast sandwich and then follow that up with a milk shake for dessert. Yes, I know that it's probably extremely unhealthy and unnecessary but it's tradition. Actually, I'm not sure how this tradition will work when Ethan starts kindergarten. I guess I'll just be that lonely guy sitting in Chick-Fil-A at 9:30 in the morning eating a breakfast sandwich and milk shake. Wow, that's just kind of sad to think about, right?

A sad little Ethan thinking about the chicken that awaits him.

The good thing though is that we don't have to sit around and ruminate on missing Ellie. I mean, don't get me wrong; we both miss her. However, between house projects and enjoying the warm, sunny days, we have so much to keep us busy that 4:00 comes before we know it. In fact, come to think of it, I've got some grocery shopping to do right now. That will certainly fill some time!

#DaddyWrite

Day 1,332 - Training Camp(ing) with the Chiefs

Like any young lad, Ethan has one great dream in life. More than anything, he wants to sing "Pat Mahomes, Take Me Home" to Patrick Mahomes. It's a relatively simple request. Probably completely unobtainable, but still simple. Like any good father though, I want to do everything I can to help my kids achieve their dreams. With that in mind, on Monday morning, we made our way to St. Joseph to check out Chiefs Training Camp at Missouri Western State University. 

While I have been to Training Camp before, Ellie and Ethan have never been. With the two of them getting older, I decided this was finally the year to try taking them. With Camp starting each morning at 9:15, we left home around 8:15 to head towards St. Joseph. My assumption was that would give us more than enough time to get parked and into the Training Camp area to watch events unfold.

Upon our arrival at Mo West, we parked the car and headed inside the Stadium area to watch practice unfold. I mostly let Ellie lead the way as she had grand dreams for what she wanted her experience to be like. First of all, she wanted to sit in an actual seat instead of having to stand. Second of all, she wanted that seat to be up as high as the bleachers go. Finally, after walking past approximately five other sets of bleachers, Ellie found the exact place she had been looking for. With that, we climbed the bleachers and took our seats. 

Almost immediately, Ethan began asking where Pat Mahomes was. Once I told him that Pat would be wearing a yellow no-contact jersey, it didn't take Ethan long at all to spot him leading stretches in the middle of the field. While Ethan was preoccupied with starting at Pat Mahomes, I entertained myself by watching the wide receivers practice fielding punts. Ellie, for her part, was intrigued less by the wide receivers and more by the punter. She had never actually seen a football go so high in the air before so she was loving watching it.

After about 30 minutes of watching various aspects of practice, Ethan was in need of a bathroom break. After fulfilling that urge, we headed over to the Kids Play Zone so that Ellie and Ethan could enjoy some play time. The first thing they wanted to tackle was a large Chiefs-themed bounce house complete with slide. After that, Ellie wanted to run through an inflatable sprint course so she and Ethan took turns following each other through that course. 

After checking out the inflatables, the kids got serious about fine-tuning their football prowess at various drill stations. The first was the Scoop and Score drill where a kid would hop over a series of obstacles, pick up a football about halfway through, and then sprint the rest of the way to the endzone. After a couple of times each of doing that, they moved on to a simple Obstacle course consisting of "hurdles" and a slalom-style course. After that though, Ellie decided to tackle her own personal Everest in the form of the rock wall. She strapped into a climbing apparatus and tackled a portable climbing wall. She successfully scaled the Easy and Medium-level walls before deciding she was done even though there was still a "Hard" wall to go. For the record, I'm convinced she would have gotten up that one with no problems at all.

 

After wrapping things up at the Kids Play Zone, we wandered back to the practice fields to watch the tail end of practice. While I'm not an autograph guy, we wandered over into the autograph section just so that we could see some of the players up close. Ethan definitely enjoyed trying to pick out some of his favorites while asking me the names of anyone he didn't know. He also loved watching Pat Mahomes do a series of TV interviews. Even though Mahomes never got close enough for Ethan to serenade him, he was still more than happy to see all his favorites up close.

While I would consider our time at Chiefs Training Camp to be a rousing success, there was one disappointment for Ellie and Ethan. One of their goals had been to meet KC Wolf and unfortunately he was nowhere in sight on this occasion. As I told them, "It's ok because there's always next year."

#DaddyWrite